


Just One Yesterday

by mylesowahudson



Series: Counting days [2]
Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst, During Canon, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Roller Coaster, Grief/Mourning, Heist, Hiding Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Palermo and Sergio are best friends, Past Character Death, Romance, Secret Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, background Raquel/Sergio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24241570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylesowahudson/pseuds/mylesowahudson
Summary: "Sometimes only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated" Martin whispered, feeling Raquel's hand on his shaking arm "And the irony is that this exact person is the only one I need to talk to to get better""Tell me about him. But not the nasty stuff, no. Tell me how you spent the time preparing for the heist and how good of a team you were in the Mint. Tell me the things that were marvellous and remarkable. The ones you want to remember""This is a long story""It's not like we're going somewhere anytime soon, no?"Aka a fall down the memory lane set after season 2, with Martin as a part ofla bandatrying to overcome the pain of losing the love of his life he had such a hard time getting, by remembering all the good things that happened in the past[this is a sequel to my story "14 days" which I highly recommend reading first :D]
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa & Palermo | Martín Berrote, Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Palermo | Martín Berrote & Professor | Sergio Marquina
Series: Counting days [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747693
Comments: 73
Kudos: 142





	1. You should be here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME MY LOVELY PEOPLE! :D I wanted to wait at least for a week but you see, this story just kept pulling out of my laptop and I finally gave in so here we come! I hope you will enjoy it, we're still on a rollercoaster but I know you love the ride :) I'm not going to update everyday like the previous work cause my exam session is coming up (*throws up*) but I will try being consisted about posting. Enjoy! <3
> 
> I thought that for every chapter I'm going to give you a song to listen to with matching lyrics, so:  
> [You Should Be Here – Cole Swindell]

It was foggy and dark and yet so, so loud. The air smelled of salt and victory and cortisol.

“We just made it into international waters”

Screaming, laughing, champagne. Rampage of the people who just escaped death bringing tons of money with themselves along the way. Tenacity finally paid off, literally. The homage to Professor’s father made, time to relish the freedom, the remarkable performance they all managed to pull off together.  
In the middle of it despair, debased by alcohol and adrenaline but already slowly creeping into the heart, incapacitating the veins, the muscles, every bone and nerve in the body. Not able to disregard it, taunting the mind viciously, like a snake, slowly wrapping around and squeezing until there was no more air to breathe

“Champagne?”

No, he didn’t want champagne. The boat was already unsteady enough and he was too exhausted to add more alcohol to it. It would sweep him off of his feet very quickly and he didn’t want that. He needed to drown in this madness, desperation, he needed to take in all of the frenzy and rage and choke on it, choke until he would go dizzy and fall down and never breathe again. After all, what was the point of breathing now?

“Are you okay?”

Bold of them to assume he was okay considering the situation. It felt like he was a lion in the cage, watched and teased and he was too tired to try to attack, his teeth filed down, his head in a muzzle so he wouldn’t try biting. He wouldn’t anyway

“Palermo, try to sleep”

How could he even think of such a mundane thing like sleeping? He watched them all disappear under the deck for some rest, whispering and talking and giggling and drinking. It was pissing him off but he couldn’t really feel it. It was all dull and felt like he was behind the glass. Like the big hit was yet to come

“ _Martín_ ” it was the first time he heard his real name out loud in weeks, instead of whispers, desperate breaths and pleas when nobody was looking. The first time there wasn’t any sweetness at the ‘t’ he loved so much. He hated it. He couldn’t listen 

“This is not my name” he whispered, looking at the never-ending water and imagining all the fish and other creatures living calmly. _Tranquilo, Martín, estoy aqui contigo, tranquilo_

“Listen to me” Sergio sounded different when he was begging, there was this pitch of desperation in his voice, deep and raw “Please” there it was, despair. Very well hidden around the others, perfectly visible around Palermo “Give me the gun back”

“No” 

“Palermo” he tried again, he had to after all. 

“No” there was something comforting in the way the pistol was resting in his hand. Cold metal against his cold hands. Perfect duo. It cocked once and the sound was like music to Martín 

“Please. I’m begging you” Professor was so desperate it was almost funny “I can’t lose you both”

The hand where the gun was trembled as Martín slowly brought it up to his temple “You really think it can be any different?”

“Palermo” Sergio sniffed, slowly bringing his hand up to pull away the gun but Martín shook his head 

“Stop or I pull the trigger”

“Please” it was getting repetitive “Martín, please”

“Don’t call me that, Professor”

“Please” a broken sob escaped Sergio’s lips “He wouldn’t want that”

Martín felt like he was suffocating. He started shaking so much there was a risk he will pull the trigger by accident, but still he rose to his feet, madness in his eyes “Bullshit! You have no idea what he would have wanted! None! You didn’t let me save him! You pulled me out of there when I could save him, I could save him!” he was sobbing out loud now, not even realizing when Sergio took away his gun “I could’ve saved him… I… I could’ve saved him…” he was crying in Professor’s arms as he held him tight, close, close to his heart that was beating rapidly, totally alive. 

“I know” Sergio was hurting in a different way, closed. There were no tears but he was in so much pain he could barely breathe, but he had his _banda_ to take care of. And there was also Martín. Martín who couldn’t be left alone even for a split second now

“You know shit! You know nothing, Professor, nothing and you’re gonna give me that fucking gun back right now so I can shoot myself in the head and end this all! Do you hear me?!” he started breaking out from Sergio’s arms, pulling and kicking and howling like a hurt animal and Sergio wasn’t sure he was strong enough to hold him for any longer.

“Palermo” Nairobi’s soft voice was like a pause button. They both stopped moving and she slowly approached them, placing her hand on Professor’s arm “I got this, Professor, go” she pushed him towards the steps and waited until he disappeared behind the door. Only then she looked at Martín who just stood there, sniffing and trying to calm down 

“Palermo” she whispered once again, looking at him with pity “I know”

“You know nothing” he took a sharp breath and turned around, walking close to the broadside and leaning on it, the gentle wind ruffling his hair 

“I’m so sorry” she stood next to him and held his hand “You wouldn’t make it out alive, you know that… right?”

“Exactly” he turned his head and she saw his face, red and wet with tears “I promised to die by his side, Nairobi. I wanted this”

“Professor made a good choice… He saved you”

“He didn’t save me” Palermo scoffed through the tears “He forced me to keep living… And I… I can’t do this without him…”

“Did you love him?” she put her head on his arm 

“Yes” he whispered, nodding slowly “And he… he loved me back”

“If he loved you back then… he wouldn’t want you to die with him” Nairobi just pulled Palermo for a hug “He died so we could escape. So you could escape. I would risk a theory that he did it only for you and he knew that we would stop you from coming back for him”

“I could make it… There was enough time…”

“No there wasn’t” she shook her head “You’re an engineer, you know that”

“We left him there. I left him” there was another burst of sobs coming from Palermo “He died there… alone…”

“Palermo…” Nairobi was a strong woman but even she broke at this point 

“I wasn’t there…” he cried out so painfully that she felt her heart clenching “If only…”

“Stop” she grabbed his face into her hands and looked him in the eyes “You couldn’t do anything to save him. He chose to go to that tunnel and there was nothing you could do to stop him” she caressed his cheek “You have to live, Palermo, you have to keep fucking breathing so his sacrifice actually matters!”

“I would trade any of you for him” Martín whispered

“I know” Nairobi nodded “I know and… I would do the same if he was the love of my life too”

“I can’t breathe without him” Martín felt his knees going weak so he just knelt on the floor “I didn’t have… enough time… we were just… starting… to be happy…” after those words he just screamed. He was putting his whole strength into those howls and it was so loud everybody started going onto the deck to see what was happening. Palermo couldn’t care less, he didn’t see them he was just screaming from the top of his lungs until he completely lost his voice. Stockholm brought her hands to her mouth and Denver pulled her for a hug. Tokyo had her lips parted in shock, Rio was crying silently, Professor was just looking. Helsinki had overwhelming sadness on his face and if he was braver, he would probably go and hug Palermo in that moment. They were all silent as they watched the fall of a man they took for an _hijo de puta_ for most of the times. Nairobi was sitting by his side, gently caressing his back, not caring about the tears that were falling down her face

“Is he…” Tokyo started but then bit her lip, not knowing what to say 

“Is it because of Berlín, Professor?” Denver asked, feeling pretty lost and confused. Sergio nodded slowly and gestured back at the stairs

“We should leave him alone” he stated “Nairobi” he said louder and she immediately stood up, approaching him “Let him be”

“Please keep checking up on him” she whispered, going with the others. Sergio sent him one last look and closed the door, allowing Palermo some privacy 

_“We will buy an island and get you the best treatment… And we will lose all our money on gambling”_

_“We can pick the most comfortable bed and make love for days, weeks… nonstop”_

_“I’ll be by your side to the last second”_

Martín shook his head, trying to push away those memories. He felt sick from all the screaming, alcohol and whatever else so he quickly stood up and leaned over so everything went into the water. He started coughing and an ice-cold shiver went through his entire body. He suddenly realized it was pretty cold. He put his forehead on the cold surface and closed his eyes “I’m sorry” he whispered into the air “I fucked up and I’m so sorry”

He didn’t even have a chance to see the body. He couldn’t even look at him one last time, hold his hand that trembled so much these days. Their last kiss somehow still lingered on his lips, the rushed one because they had to run, run, _run_ , but Berlín just held him close and they kissed so deeply, with so much love… If Martín knew it would be their last kiss he would hold it for longer, he would whisper the love confession, he would touch his face, his arms, his neck. If he only knew

_“Run as fast as you can, Martín, I’m right behind you”_

He lied. He knew it was his last moment

_“Don’t look back”_

He didn’t want him to see, yet Martín never listened. He turned around just in time to see the rain of bullets, the droplets of blood going everywhere, Berlín falling like a doll. The scream that got out of him mouth was animalistic, he was kicking and biting whoever’s arms were holding him and pulling him into the hangar, he was screaming and then… Then they heard the explosives going off. Martín froze and went boneless, falling like a potato sack, not able to move his legs. He felt like his head was under water, he couldn’t hear the gang screaming, he didn’t realize he’s being lifted, thrown across Helsinki’s arm and carried to the car. He didn’t care. His whole life just died and he didn’t do anything to stop it. 

_“I love you”_

_“Why now? We’re about to escape this shithole”_

_“I can’t tell you that I love you for once?”_

_“Andrés”_

Andrés. Andrés and Martín. Two apple halves, one couldn’t exist without the other

Palermo was tired. Exhausted. He knew that sleep wouldn’t make it better, neither coffee, neither alcohol. Sergio took his gun but it didn’t matter anymore. He could jump. He was exhausted so he would drown quickly but then… Nairobi was right. Berlín gave up his life for Palermo

_“I just hope you have a plan for after we escape”_

_“Loving you is my plan”_

_“What else?”_

_“Traveling”_

_“Good”_

He knew Sergio was going to Thailand and he was taking Palermo with him as they were paired together. It couldn’t be different but then again… He didn’t care.

“Helsinki” his hoarse voice sounded strange. Palermo found the guy on a tiny bed where he barely fit, alone, definitely not asleep “I need you”

“You know this won’t help you?” Helsinki sat down, looking at Martín who stood in front of him

“It doesn’t matter” he whispered “I have to stop thinking”

Martín cried. He cried desperately the whole time, his sobs mixing with muffled moans. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. He cried even when he came and then he cried when Helsinki held him in his arms and he cried as they did it again. It was the middle of the night when Palermo finally couldn’t even keep his eyes open, he managed to exhaust himself completely

“I’m sorry” he whispered, sitting naked, leaning on Helsinki’s chest “I’m so sorry”

“Shhh” he just rocked Martín in his arms and it was so different and he wanted to cry again but there was no more tears in him

“Again, please”

“Palermo…”

“Please!”

“You’re gonna faint”

“Good. Again. Hard” he sniffed “Make me feel something”

They went again and Martín was crying out in pain. Helsinki was terrified but he complied and did what Palermo ask him for and then Martín just lost consciousness, so Helsinki wrapped him in a blanket and put him on the bed, rubbing his face. His heart was breaking for the guy and he couldn’t do anything to make it better. The boat was quiet and he was upset they will part ways soon. He grew to like Palermo, even maybe had a tiny crush on him. Tiny. Or maybe not so tiny. It didn’t matter, because they guy clearly had the love of his life and the worst thing was that he just lost it. 

“I hope there wouldn’t be time when I hear about any of you in the tv, hm?” Professor smiled, looking at them with pride. They made it, they got out and now they were about to live their life “So, once again: Denver with Stockholm, Tokyo with Rio, Helsinki with Nairobi... And Palermo with me” they all stayed quiet, seeing the lack of Martín and Helsinki there. No-one was brave enough to go and check up on them and they all knew it was probably for the best. Only Nairobi was biting her nails all the time, learning the coordinates but being very distracted. She was worried about Helsinki, she knew how he felt about Palermo and she didn’t want him to have his heart broken... But then again, it was not her decision to make. On the other hand, there was Palermo, a copy of Berlín, his shadow following step by step and being blindly devoted to him. The only person around whom Berlín would let his guard down and be something else than an asshole. The only person that would get “In my office, now” every so often. The only person Berlín slept around, when his face would soften knowing he was guarded and nobody could hurt him. Thinking about it now, it was so damn obvious they were together or at least very much in love and Nairobi’s heart was breaking when she imagined what Martín could feel. They probably had a very long history, it was enough to see how they were around each other all the time, even before the heist. They made a hella good job with hiding this, she had to admit, nobody knew till the moment Berlín sacrificed himself. But about that she wasn’t ready to think just yet.

“How are you feeling?” Helsinki was observing Martín slowly waking up. He sent him a soft encouraging smile and caressed his hair, making Martín lean into the touch. It would be so easy to believe that could work somehow. Even if it could, they won’t see each other again so that made totally no sense. Maybe that’s why Helsinki was ready to give everything up in those few hours they had left 

“My name” he heard very quiet whisper and frowned, moving closer to Palermo 

“What?”

“My name. I want you to know my name” Palermo was tired, so tired. He couldn’t act anymore 

“Isn’t it stupid and dangerous?”

“My name is... was... Martín Berrote. I’m from Argentina” Palermo raised his gaze on Helsinki 

“Mirko” Helsinki shook his hand and held it gently “Mirko Dragic”

Martín nodded his head “I’m not him anymore though” he was quiet for a moment “I’m not Martín Berrote anymore. He died in the Mint. He died the moment he failed to rescue the love of his life” he sniffed, raising his head, his gaze serious “My name’s Palermo now”

“Okay” Helsinki just nodded, bringing his hand up and caressing his face 

“You're not going to tell me to stop being all suicidal and so on?”

“No” Martín raised his brow at the answer “Why would I?”

“Because that's what everybody expects me to do. Live my life to the fullest and being grateful I'm alive”

“Nobody asked you if you want that, no?”

Martín smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever “No. You're right, nobody asked me. Not even... B... him”

“What are you going to do?” Helsi was whispering at this point and Palermo only shrugged 

“I don't even know. I guess... I follow the Professor”

“And then?”

Martín scoffed “Maybe I shoot myself in the head. Maybe not. Who knows”

“If you feel like listening to my opinion... You should do something big. Huge. I don't know what, but something nobody ever saw before” Martín was listening, his eyes glistening, a hint of life in them “You should do it so everybody knows that nobody can beat you. So everybody knows that Berlín deserves a goodbye like that”

“And then?”

“And then...” Helsinki smiled “Then you die with honor and reunite with him” 

“Bella ciao” Palermo sniffled, letting out a quiet laugh that sounded a lot like a sob 

“Bella ciao” he agreed, pulling Martín for a hug “Berlín would hate you for shooting yourself, you know that?”

There was a moment of silence and then Martín started laughing so loud, Helsinki almost got scared, not expecting that at all. He smiled sadly knowing damn well that Palermo wasn't okay and he was correct because in a few moments the laughter turned into sobs, and sobs turned into silence as Palermo trembled in Helsinki's arm, trying to put himself together. 

He felt asleep again, held safely in Helsi's arms and he looked like nothing troubled him. It's funny how people change when they're asleep, like their whole face softens and their vulnerable side comes through. Helsinki caressed Martín's hair and sighed, wondering if there was any possibility he could stay in touch with him. He knew he couldn't but it was comforting even trying to think about a way. When their boat reached the destiny Martín was still sleeping but he didn't look so peaceful anymore. His face was wincing and he was throwing his body from side to side, clearly having some kind of a nightmare. It got so disturbing that Helsinki shook him harshly to wake him up. Palermo's eyes opened and he sat up straight, breathing heavily, madness in his eyes “Andrés!” he gasped and the whole shine from his eyes disappeared when he noticed Helsinki instead “Oh. I'm sorry”

“Did you have a nightmare?” Helsi kissed his head softly

Martín nodded slowly “Nevermind though”

“Everything's ready, we're here”

“Time for goodbyes then” Palermo's face was blank, no emotions whatsoever like he didn't have enough strength to show any 

I hope I will see you again one day, Martín Berrote. Or at least hear about you in tv” Helsinki hugged Martín tightly

“I sure hope so too, Mirko” Martín kissed his cheek and let go, feeling empty. He didn't want to leave this cabin, this boat, he just wanted to stay here forever. Now even forever didn't seem to be true, after all him and Andrés were supposed to be forever...

They got dressed, taking their red suits with them and going out, on the deck. Everyone was already there and Martín felt uncomfortable when they became silent seeing him and Helsinki. 

“What is it, a funeral?” Palermo forced a joke but nobody laughed, there was no hint of a smile either. He watched Helsinki approaching Nairobi and whispering to her, he spotted Tokio, Rio and Denver talking quietly and shooting him glances from time to time. He felt like a stranger, an intruder. 

“How are you holding up?” Sergio placed a hand on Martín's arm but seeing his gaze, he immediately let go. He didn't get any answer whatsoever and he sighed heavily, not knowing what to do. He got distracted by his own thoughts and that's when it all went to hell.

It was a fraction of a second when Martín grabbed Sergio and snatched the gun he was carrying at his belt, the same gun that belonged to Martín, the one that was taken from him yesterday, and put it to his head. Everyone screamed but no more guns were pulled. They didn't have them on them. It was quiet and the only sound was coming from Martín, his rapid breaths heavy in the morning air. It took maybe ten seconds, maybe twenty before he spoke “I'm turning myself in. I want to see his body and then I don't care and none of you will try to stop me”

“Palermo” Sergio, of course him, put his hands up and looked at him with plea “You're going to ruin this for all of us”

“I'm not a freaking snitch... Don't you dare!” he screamed at Stockholm who tried to approach him and reloaded the gun, knowing too damn well the magazine was full 

“Don't you think it's enough we lost three of us there? You really want to be next? You really will make us watch as you blow your head off?” Tokyo growled, crossing her arms “You're gonna have to, because you're turning yourself in over my dead body!”

“You're an asshole Palermo, a damn rip-off of Berlín, but you're part of the gang” Rio looked at him sadly 

Martín was shaking all over, his hand trembling. He was ready to end this, so, so ready, and yet he was a coward not able to pull the trigger. He needed one little push so he went for it “Come on now, why don't you tell me more about why I can't do whatever I want? Somebody? Denver!” he challenged the guy, anger on his face. 

“ _Traquilo, Palermo_ ”

It was like a knife into his heart 

_“Tranquilo, Palermo, it's just a scratch... See, you're fine”_

“Say that again!” he pointed the gun at Denver and Stockholm screamed “Say that again and I'll show you how calm I am!”

“Palermo, I know you're a ticking bomb but please, try to calm yourself down and put the gun away” Sergio stepped closer to him, trying not to piss him off “Give me the gun and I'll help you, please”

“Nobody moves!” Palermo fired the gun in the air, immediately reloading it again and putting it to his temple “Turn around all of you. Now!”

“Stop this immediately” Sergio rarely resembled his brother in anything but in that particular moment his voice sounded exactly like Andrés' and it apparently had the same impact, because Martín's hand just fell down, the gun almost dropping accompanied by a quiet sob “Give me the gun, I won't ask again, Palermo, right now”

Martín nodded and reached his hand, letting go of the pistol without a word. He looked like a house of cards that was about to fall apart

“Good. Now sit on your ass and wait till I make sure everyone's safe and ready to go” Professor started saying goodbye to everyone, making sure they know what to do and how, and also how to react when something bad happens. Nobody dared to approach Martín until Moníca just rolled her eyes and with her natural sweetness walked to him, sitting down and grabbing his hand 

“I hope I will able to let you know the gender and the name of the baby” she grinned, placing her blond head on his arm

“Congratulations” Martín murmured, not moving even an inch 

“Hey, I know. I know you're hurting and I know that you think no-one understands you... I lost my brother in a car crash couple of years ago... I kinda know what you're going through” she caressed his face “But you're a strong man and I know you'll find a reason to keep going”

“I don't want to find that reason”

“Maybe the reason will find you” Monica hugged him tightly “I believe in you, Palermo”

When she left he had Denver, then Rio and Tokyo saying goodbyes to him, then Nairobi held him for a long, long moment and she even left him her hair tie so he had something to hold onto. And then was Helsinki

“I'm sorry” Martín whispered before the guy could say anything

“For what?” Helsinki seemed puzzled

“For last night. You didn't deserve to be used like this”

“You needed me and I was there. No regrets” he smiled “Keep rolling, Martín”

“Find yourself someone worthy” Martín leaned to kiss his cheek “Okay?”

“Yes, sir” Helsinki stood up and saluted at Martín before joining Nairobi, ready for their transport. They were left alone with Sergio and Palermo felt sick 

“Are you good enough to not make a scene that will cost us our lives or I completely can't count on you?” Sergio was being cruel, completely heartless but that's exactly what Martín needed now.

“I'll behave”

“ _Vamos_ , then”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was heartbreaking but the sweet stuff will come, I promise! Besos <3


	2. Saw the end before it begun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the warm welcome, I'm so touched that so many of you waited for this sequel and decided to stick around to read it <3 I love you all so much. I promise that it won't always be so sad, after all the "memories" tag says something, right? Nevertheless, I cried so much writing this chapter and it never happened to me before so....
> 
> The song for this chapter: Arcade – Duncan Laurence

He didn't remember much from the flight and whatever came next. He was so drugged with opiates he couldn't even form a single thought, let alone a memory of what was happening. Only when he woke up in a bed with warm, clean sheets he knew they reached their destiny safely. He spotted a glass of water on the nightstand (how bold, he could break the glass and hurt himself, no?) and nothing else, the room seemed to be empty. He was also empty, like a shell. Sometimes people feel like there's a hole inside them and it's eating them from the inside when Martín was just empty. It felt like there wasn't any sadness left in him, no anger, no happiness, nothing. Black nothing. He was still so incredibly tired yet he knew he won't fall asleep. The white sheets brought back memories so painful he felt like he was dying, so he rolled to his side, curling into a ball and just screamed. He screamed loud enough for it to hurt, he screamed until his lungs were burning.

And then he stood up. The first thing was the sheets. He didn't know how that was possible but he started tearing them apart, piece by piece, inch by inch, he destroyed the two pillows as well and then sat in the middle of the mess, crying loudly. His stitched shot wound on the right leg probably opened because some of the pieces of the fabric was coloured red, but he didn't care. He didn't even feel it.

Martín slowly let his body lay down on the floor, his numb fingers clutching the remains of the covers as he curled into a ball again and sobbed, hiding his face in the fabric. It hurt so much that it just didn't. It was weird, but there's this point when they pain gets so bad you stop feeling it. You know you're hurting and you can't stand it but then you can't tell the pain level anymore. It overwhelms your whole body and it becomes a part of you. It nests in you and stays, stays for so long you can't really tell where pain starts and you end.

There were hands on his arms at some point, he couldn't really decide if they were real or just his brain playing with him. The grip was familiar and for couple of seconds his whole body and soul sang the song of love and devotion, only to crash once again. It was an illusion. There was no love, no devotion left in him.

“Palermo”

Every letter was like a knife, like a wolf that attacks his prey with no mercy. P stood for pain, l for love and m for misery. It all mixed together and danced in his mind. He knew the song, Andrés would sing it literally everyday

“Palermo, answer me”

He was drowning again, just like then, a long time ago, ages ago even... How he wished he could be drowning because of him, the person who later on brought him back to the surface and gave him air and...

“Palermo, I'm going to call 911 if you won't tell me you're alright!”

He was high on opiates, so high he felt numb but it was marvelous because the pain was somewhere else, it just went for a walk and Martín didn't want it back just yet. Martín couldn't remember if he took them himself but he doubted, it was probably the Professor. Maybe Sergio overdosed and now he was freaking out that Martín would die. How ironic. He didn't want to go to the hospital because they will keep him on the surface and he wanted to be underwater so bad, he just raised his hand a little and waved at Sergio

“Thank God, dammit, what a fucking mess”

Palermo was dreaming.

His dreams were different colors and shapes. He liked the pastel pink, orange and yellow, he loved the blue and light green, he adored the circles and rectangles and triangles. He found comfort in the way the black hair shifted through his fingers, bursting into even more colors. He could watch for hours the light in his eyes, alive and beautiful, full of hidden emotions that were to unpack like little Christmas gifts.

The colors and shapes had sounds and it was his laughter and his whispers, it was the sound of a pool and the sound of wine in a glass. It was the songs they listened to while making love and the sharp voices as they argued.

There were also smells. The rich, heavy perfumes in the evenings and a fresh scent of lemon in the mornings. He always smelled like lemon and sandal tree, sometimes he smelled like Martín too. Sometimes he smelled like wine and sometimes like chlorine. Sometimes he smelled like gasoline or a gunpowder. Sometimes he just smelled like himself.

Sometimes there were tiny circles in a rich red color, deeper than the red of the fabric. They smelled like copper and taste metallic. Sometimes they would make a sound of a loud thud. Sometimes.

He wasn't sleeping much, yet he dreamed a lot. Nothing specific, just shapes, colors, smells. Sometimes he would wake up crying. Sometimes he laughed. Sometimes he just laid down, seeing nothing but black. But only sometimes.

The dreams were fewer and fewer and finally Palermo realized he's not dreaming anymore. There were brand new sheets and pillows on his bed he didn't remember being changed. He also realized his head isn't floating anymore. Sergio had probably cut him off opiates to finally get him back. He completely lost the perception of time, he had no idea how long has be been dreaming, whether it was couple of hours, a day or maybe a week?

He slowly sat up and spotted a glass of water he immediately drunk. His brain was mushy, disorganized. He couldn't remember what happened... or maybe he just didn't want to remember.  
Finding his way downstairs he came across a kitchen that was pretty empty. Has he eaten lately? He couldn't remember.

“Palermo” Sergio appeared in front of him with a cup of coffee in his hands “How are you feeling?”

“I'm good” his voice was hoarse and low, he hated it “How long... how long I was off?”

“Six days” he pressed the cup into Martín's hand and seated him on a bar-stool “How's your wound?”

“Doesn't hurt”

“Good” the Professor nodded and sighed heavily “I had to keep you drugged because... you wouldn't stop screaming”

“I don't remember”

“What do you remember?”

“Colors” Martín answered slowly, focusing on the thoughts that were escaping really quickly “Lots of red and beige and... and black” he stood up, stretching his back

“What do you remember from the escape?” Sergio frowned

“I just told you. Colors. A smell of gunpowder. People screaming”

“Martín... w... who escaped the Mint? How many of us?”

“All” he tilted his head to the side “Why are you asking me?”

“Are you still high?”

“Perhaps, my brain feels like jelly” he frowned “Where's Andrés?”

Sergio's face went pale in a fraction of a second and he looked terrified “He... Martín, what are you talking about?”

“I asked you wh-” suddenly there were cold hands of sudden realization squeezing around his neck. He dropped the cup that shattered all over the beautiful white tiles in the kitchen, spilling the liquid, and gasped sharply, his legs giving up on the all of a sudden unsteady ground. He sat down and tried to desperately catch his breath. It wasn't happening, it wasn't happening, _it wasn't happening_

“I got you” Sergio was right behind him, holding his arms and keeping him in place “Just breathe”

“When he's going to be back?” Martín just brought his gaze up, no tears on his face

Sergio took some interest in psychology, especially after he met Julia, Martín's younger sister who was a psychiatrist. He knew the stages of grief very well

Denial – the shock and the pain, desperate attempts to prove that it isn't true, that it didn't actually happen. Brain protecting itself from being hit with everything at once. Paint and guilt are overwhelming and life feels chaotic and scary, it's like it's all your fault

Anger – blaming somebody else, screaming and threatening, questions with no answers

Depression – lack of everything, sadness, tears, pain. Isolation. Despair. Emptiness.

Bargaining – if I do this, then he will be back. Bargaining with Death, pleading, begging

Acceptance – finally moving on, living, trying to cope as best as possible. Mind starts working and your life isn't black anymore

Seemed like Martín still didn't get out of the first stage and it was completely okay, although Sergio was furious he didn't know how to help him. It would be better for Julia to be here but there was no way they could get in touch with her without risking

“I don't know, Martín” he finally answered and seeing him wince, he quickly added “Palermo”

“He had a bulletproof vest, right? He had to have it” Martín's numb fingers clenched on Sergio's shirt “He's smart, he probably escaped, right? Right?”

He looked so lost and desperate that Professor just couldn't tell him the harsh truth. He didn't know what was best for him but decided it definitely wasn't throwing the reality at him just yet “I don't know” he said again, not wanting to lie either

“Maybe he will... find me somehow. He always did”

“How about we go for a walk? To the beach?”

“Okay” Martín nodded, looking at the mess on the floor

“Leave it” Sergio pulled him gently towards the door, not caring for shoes because they had a very short distance to the beach. Palermo was seeing it for the first time yet no spark appeared in his eyes, making Sergio's heart clench in pain. He squeezed the envelope he was holding, not sure if the moment was right just yet as he led his friend close to the water and gestured for him to sit. The waves were washing over their feet and Martín was still. Empty. There was no need for words, they just sat there and watched the water around them for minutes that seemed like hours or even days.

“I have something for you” Professor cleared his throat, handing Martín a white envelope “You don't have to open it now... I'll leave you to it” he patted his back and slowly withdrew towards the house, observing Palermo who just stared at the envelope, taking in the so well-known handwriting. His fingers touched the elegant letters one by one and it hurt, it hurt so much and he shouldn't really have this because his name wasn't Martín anymore but...

The paper was beautiful and smelled like lemon. There was also a tiny paper box with “open after reading” written on it. He let out a shaky breath and slowly unfolded the letter, already noticing his handwriting. He would recognize it everywhere.

_“Martín, cariño”_

He closed it again, allowing his whole body to take the hit of overwhelming pain. It was almost surreal and unbearable without the opiates, but he forced himself to unfold the letter and continue

_“If you're reading this, that means that I'm ungracefully dead and you managed to survive which I'm remarkably content about. I don't know if it was the illness or our plan Argentina, or maybe I just got shot by that stupid idiot Tokyo”_

Martín smiled

_“Nevertheless, I'm aware of how out of fashion this is but as you know very well, I'm a romantic soul and I couldn't leave you without a word. I have so many mixed feelings and I can barely ask myself where should I start to give you a proper goodbye that you deserve. I hope you didn't use that gun of yours for a purpose other than hurting your enemies. I really hope so because I'm certain Sergio won't stand us both being dead”_

Martín let out a soft sniff

_“Not like he wasn't ready for me leaving this marvelous word, we all knew it was a matter of months, a year if I would be lucky and looking at how this thing is proceeding, I wouldn't be lucky. I'm pretty sure I used all my luck on getting another chance from you, my love”_

Martín closed the letter so the tears that started falling wouldn't destroy the ink and gave himself a moment to get his guard back up

_“I surely cannot imagine what you're going through right now even if I saw you grieving already. I'm just praying that you read this after I died of sickness, not after someone from the gang stopped you from saving me... because I'm scared for everyone around you, Martín”_

Nobody heard his cries

_“Mostly I'm scared for you, querido. I know you're far from ready to let me go and if Death took me by surprise, I can't even imagine how you're pulling through. I just hope you do, for me. Somehow”_

He was

_“Do you remember the night before the heist? Well, it's this night or more like the end of it. It's four in the morning and I'm just writing this letter with you in bed. Do you remember what I told you right before you fell asleep?”_

“There might be a new life out there, after all of this, as soon as we run” Martín whispered, his image blurry

_“I want you to run, Martín. I want you to run as fast as you can and never turn back, just go forward. I'm sure that one way or another time will bring us back together again, you know that too. You might not see it now but it's true. You always said I was your muse, your inspiration for every plan you ever had. The Bank of Spain one? Let it be your homage to me, cariño. Melt the fucking gold, melt it all for me. Make me a beautiful coin, or a ring. Something you can wear all the time. Take all the gold and make a statue, big as a real human being and shape it like me. Don't let anybody stop you, Martín, this is your plan, our plan, and you are destined to make it happen. No matter what. You are destined to make a statement, make it so loud and clear that the whole world will hear you. And then run, as fast as you can, run and don't let them catch you”_

Martín bit his lip to stop an ugly sob from escaping. It was such a profound moment that it couldn't be destroyed with crying

_“Travel the world and see all those marvelous things you always have wanted to see. Steal them for yourself, even. Play the piano and sing your heart out, just like you used to do when we met. Make people fall in love with your beautiful body and your witty personality... But never let them have your precious soul. It is mine to have. Buy yourself a house on a hill, or on the beach. Or buy a monastery. Or a church. Hell, go full and buy a cathedral. Whatever will make you happy, Martín. Go wherever you want to go... And then, then, when you're tired, exhausted even... come and rest with me. Take your time, after all, it doesn't really matter when you're dead, you know? When the time is right, you will find me. Time will be your guide, I promised it will eventually bring us back together.  
I'll be waiting for you to tell me all of those stories, to tell me about the things you saw and the people you met, about the gold. I want you to tell me about the gold, Martín. Imagine the remarkable, precious gold”_

Martín only saw gold when he was with him

_“Don't fall in love, Martín, as I believe that we are soulmates and soulmates should be together forever. We can no longer continue in the same direction and you need to let me go, I don't want to become a ghost on your shoulder. Time is the worst enemy of love, Martín, when it's not destined to remain but I hope you will find a way to fill the void inside you. I never expected destiny to separate us so soon, although we both knew I was sick and we both agreed that we do not care about it. I don't want you to be slowly dying because you have to live without me, you're much more than just my love. My love made you, Martín, created you, but you are such a brilliant, clever thing and I hope you realize how magnificent of a person you truly are”_

The ink smudged in couple of places and Martín quickly blew on it to prevent it from destroying the words. It would be the worst thing to happen right now

_“You are just fighting to survive a world where “I miss you” doesn't mean “I'm coming back” and “I love you” doesn't mean “I'll stay”. I miss you and I love you, Martín, with my whole heart that you were so kind to open and nest inside.  
Sometimes we need to do things we'd rather not to in order to get the peace that we need, that's why I want you to heal your wound, to put yourself together and run. Get yourself through and we'll be together again in no time”_

Martín wasn't crying anymore

_“Farewell, my beautiful ingeniero_  
Ti amo, never forget that  
Andrés alias Berlín” 

Emptiness

_“P.S. You can open the package now, I'm pretty sure you'll recognize it and figure out the meaning”_

Martín carefully folded the letter and put it back to the envelope. He opened the paper box and let out a quiet cry “Oh no” he whispered as his fingers ran over a silver signet ring laying on a piece of red velvet fabric. His heart clenched and if he had anymore tears in him he would drown in them now. He took the ring and slowly slipped it on his finger “I do” his lip trembled “Of course I do, Andrés”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll recognize the ring, right? :") I honestly think that this letter is the saddest and most beautiful thing I have ever written, period.
> 
> "come and rest with me" gets me every time and I read this chapter like ten times before posting. Still sobbing


	3. No one's here to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having so much fun writing this story, guys, you have no idea! 🤩 Also this is stinking long but I got carried away haha. As usual, I have completely no idea what I'm doing and where the story is going whatsoever. Nothing new honestly 🤣
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, cariños, love y'all and enjoy! ❤️

If you had to imagine the most beautiful place in the entire world what would that be? A huge, busy city with crowded streets, colorful shops and people so various you never get bored? Where you can get lost in your own thoughts as easily as take a wrong turn and not reach your destination? A city that never sleeps and so don't you, you're always awake, breathing in the smell of gasoline and dust?  
Or would it be a deserted island with cascades of water, sea of flowers and sand so soft it almost reminds you of a pillow? With a small house with a view on the ocean, crystal clear, with the sun waking you up every day and putting you to sleep, taking a bow right before you?

For Martín it was neither of that.

For Martín the most beautiful place in the world was like liquid that takes a form of a container it's put to. Sometimes it would be a beautiful monastery with monks praying the _complieta_ in Italian, growing their own fruit, surrounded by endless art and architecture. Sometimes it would be hot and airy city of Palermo, Argentina when you sweat more than you breathe but it's intoxicating and you never want to leave, because the city left its roots in your heart and you don't mind them growing inside you. Sometimes it would be an apartment in Berlín, surrounded by people whose language Martín couldn't understand but the vibe was so strong it called out to him. Sometimes it would be a Royal Mint of Spain where you have to guard your every move, every breath and remember so much detail, and then remember about Retroxil and then...

Martín's favourite place in the world wasn't a specific city. It was a specific person.

To be completely honest it never was a place, not even Palermo mattered to him alone. Palermo was just a city, one of thousands there were in the world. It would be nothing special if not for his special person. He made everything special, even the damn cold Canada which was probably the worst place Martín had ever visited.

The realisation was painful. Suddenly he couldn't even imagine the beauty of the places he knew very well. His beloved Palermo, Marseille, Paris, Lisbon... They were just places. Dots on a map, slightly bigger than others surrounding them. They didn't have any charm and Martín couldn't understand why was he ever in love with them. But then, the answer to that was obvious – he had never loved those cities. He loved the person he visited them with. He didn't want to go back there because he knew that those places deserved no hatred and hatred was the only thing he could feel towards them. How could they be so empty and ugly and lonely? Martín would never go there, anywhere. Thailand was safe, it had no memories attached to him so he was positive he could stay here. He could even play the piano, although the piano was the ultimate source of sadness, it was tempting to just sit and let the despair consume him but not yet. He promised Sergio he would hold on and he intended to keep that promise.

Sergio was good to him. He would sometimes use _this_ voice, the one that painfully pulled at Martín's heart but it was so good, suffocating him in the way he felt dizzy and almost happy for a split second when it lasted. Sergio made sure Martín ate, even if he had to literally feed him like a baby, he never hesitated. He would take him out of bed, throw him into the shower, give him a meal, push him outside so Martín breathed. It was the only thing he was reasonably good at. Breathing. It's not like he knew how to, he was taught.

 _Respira_ , Martín, _mi amor, respira_

So he did. He did because that's what he would want.

They set rules or more like Martín forced one onto Sergio and almost hit him with a shoe when the man tried to argue. There was no saying _that_ name. Not even once, not when Martín was around, not even the city name. It was this or Martín wouldn't eat and he would threaten Sergio with his gun pressed to his own head. He wouldn't use it but he had to force that rule somehow.  
There was also an addition to this rule – Martín Berrote didn't exist. There was Palermo. Palermo and Sergio, best friends, almost brothers. _Hermanos_. It seemed so easy now, not like in the beginning when he had to be very careful when talking to one of the brothers or referring to himself, he had to think twice before he spoke their names. He had time to train though

_May, anno domini_

_“I can't get used to it” Martín groaned, stretching his body on the sunbed. The day was insanely hot, it was almost hard to breathe but for him being an Argentinian it was a daily bread_

_“To what?” Andrés send him a questioning look, taking a sip of his mimosa. The ice cubes jingled in the glass and Martín took his own drink, tempted by the promise of refreshment_

_“Calling you Berlín” he sighed, pulling himself up “When I think about it it's alright but then I stop thinking and boom, there's Andrés”_

_Berlín nodded slowly, turning his head so he could look at his partner “Well, you're going to have to practice because nobody can know there's anything between us”_

_“Did you think how to approach this?” Martín reached his hand to move some hairs from Andrés' sweaty forehead_

_“Actually yes. Just how we did it for ten years before we got together”_

_“You mean... Me being awfully attracted to you and you ignoring it and flirting with anything that didn't have a dick?” Martín snorted, making Andrés laugh softly_

_“My brilliant ingeniero, exactly that” they gently made their glasses clank and Berlín continued “Then even if somebody will see us or hear us making love, they will think I just gave in or we can say something about your remarkable oral skills”_

_“You mean... My masterful fellatio?” Martín smirked, already sliding from his sunbed to get between Andrés' legs. Andrés chuckled, ruffling his hair and watching him lazily_

_“That's exactly what I mean, but maybe not here, hm? I don't want Sergio to have a heart attack” he caressed Martín's cheek “Remember how he reacted when he found us in the kitchen?”_

_“It was a long-time dream to check out that counter and it finally happened” Palermo purred like a cat and linked their lips in a chaste kiss, sweet as the drinks they were having_

_“Sergio wasn't ready for that”_

_“He was lucky it was our second round cause I wouldn't be able to stop if it was the first”_

_Andrés just looked Martín in the eyes, making him blush adorably and pulled his lower lip with his thumb “I dare you to offer him your, as you call it, masterful fellatio one day. If you do it, I will give you the night of your life”_

_“You give me the night of my life every time” Martín playfully bit Andrés' finger and shivered when he saw his eyes darkening with lust. These days they just couldn't get enough of each other, since they started being together they rarely left their bed and it was the happiest time in Martín's life. It's been almost two weeks since they were in an official relationship and Martín was living his dream, for real this time, and Andrés seemed to be in the same state. They were having never-ending honeymoon phase and Sergio couldn't stand being around them, he always left as soon as they would start being touchy with each other._

_“Don't tease me, Berrote, my patience runs very short lately” Berlín put away his glass mindfully and reached for Martín to have him close. Palermo laid his head on his chest and smiled when Andrés' arms closed around him_

_"Señor Berlín, I'm very sorry” he giggled, placing a kiss on his neck and looking up “I had no idea”_

_Andrés hummed softly, running his fingers through Martín's hair “Mal, mal, mal...” after every word he kissed his lips softly_

_“I will pay for my sins if you let me” Palermo whispered into his mouth, biting his lower lip before going for another kiss_

_“Of course you will” Andrés laughed, kissing back and making this one linger for longer “How are we going to act as if we're strangers when you can't keep your hands to yourself? Hm?”_

_“I'm going to suffer during the day and later at night...” Martín didn't finish, he didn't have to “I bet more people are going to fuck, have you seen Oliveira on the pic? She looks like a slut”_

_“Language, Martín” Andrés tutted but he didn't manage to hide a small smile that appeared on his face “And I'm pretty sure we've already established our own rules, number one being 'we do not follow Sergio's rule numero uno'?”_

_“He can't possibly expect us not to sleep together, come on” Palermo rolled his eyes “We can die in the Mint, I'm not dying without good fuck”_

_“Language!” Andrés scoffed “I'm going to have to stuff your mouth with something if you won't stop cursing”_

_“Oh, do it” Martín's eyes glistened “Fuck, do it”_

_“You're extremely close to the line, Martín...”_

_“Holy shit, a fucking line? What a bullshit... Oh!” he gasped, suddenly out of breath when Andrés grabbed his arms and moved him back, sending pleasant shivers down his spine_

_“I think you left something between my legs, Berrote” Berlín's voice was low and sexy and Martín felt hot all over. He immediately positioned himself there and smirked, pulling at Andrés' swimsuit_

_“I think I did, señor Berlín, lo siento mucho” he sounded almost sincere as he apologized, a hint of a smile wandering on his lips. He placed couple of strategic kisses to Berlín's length and purred softly when he heard his partner gasp “Do you think I can earn my forgiveness?”_

_“We shall see about that” Andrés slipped his hand into Martín's hair and gently pulled, tilting his head back when a sudden wave of pleasure hit him “Oh just like that...” he relaxed, taking his drink and sipping from it, enjoying the lazy attention he was getting “You truly have... mm... masterful skills... you surprise me every time” he was already breathless and Martín was just warming up. He was exquisite, completely different, remarkable, magnificent and so, _so_ dirty and that's why their sex was just godly. There was no other way of describing the mind-blowing pleasure they were both getting every time they made love. Both Andrés and Martín were experienced in the subject but they both admitted that even the best night of their lives was nothing in comparison to the pleasure they got from each other. Now every night was the best and they were able to outdo themselves every time. Andrés especially loved Martín's mouth on him, his tongue was melting his brain and turned his body to huge fire that couldn't be tamed for a very long time after. Martín, on the other hand, could spend hours upon hours being edged by Andrés and he had couple of times when he passed out from the intensity of his orgasms. Berlín walked around proud as a peacock every time that happened._

_They were simply made for each other in every aspect of their lives and there was no denying it._

_“Slow down... yes, like this... slow it down...” Berlín had his eyes closed and a huge grin plastered on his face. He loved prolonging the blowjobs, he knew for how long Martín could go without being uncomfortable and he was addicted to stretching the pleasure as much as possible “I know your throat goes deeper... oh, see... ah...” his head lulled to the side and his hand in Palermo's hair squeezed as he felt his relief building, coiling in his abdomen “Very good… if you keep that up, you might earn your forgiveness” his back arched when the last couple seconds led him to an overwhelming climax that shook his whole body and made him moan loudly. He smiled when Martín licked him clean and watched him as he wiped his mouth and pulled himself up to get a kiss_

_“How was it?”_

_“Truly remarkable” Andrés murmured, deepening the kiss and holding Martín close. After a moment he pulled away to whisper “We could go to Moscow after the Mint”_

_“Why Moscow?” Palermo raised his brow_

_“Why not? I liked it there”_

_“I haven’t, you were so busy with that girl of yours… Uh”_

_“Well, now I would be busy with you” Berlín finished his drink_

_Martín blushed, looking away with that schoolboy smile Andrés adored so much “Alright. We can go to Moscow and then once again to Berlín, to Florence, to Palermo, to Paris, to Greece…”_

_“And when my time will come?”_

_“Then” Palermo positioned himself in Andrés’ arms “Then we’re going to travel to Amazon forest and we’re going to find the biggest cliff or precipice there” his eyes were shining and Andrés couldn’t possibly love him more than in that moment_

_“What for?” he laughed softly, playing with Palermo’s hair_

_“So we can hold each other’s hands… and fly” Martín smiled softly at him “Me and you, Bonnie and Clyde. La liberta”_

_“I thought you were going to make me a funeral with a gold statue of me and stuff like that” Berlín’s voice was soft_

_“No. I promised to follow you, to be with you till the last day”_

_“You could do so many amazing things, my clever _ingeniero_ ” Andrés took Martín’s chin and caressed his face _

_“I don’t wanna be without you for even a second. I can’t” he shook his head “Andrés, this will be a marvelous way to die”_

_“You’re crazy” Berlín laughed against his partner’s lips “But that’s why I love you so much. With you crazy equals genius”_

_“We could set ourselves on fire without burning” Martín casually said “I’m a rocket scientist, a freaking arsonist, I’m a brilliant engineer and I will make sure we die as heroes”_

_“Burning alive?”_

_“No burning” he grinned “No, just the jump”_

_“What if we survive the jump?”_

_“We won’t”_

_“Okay then”_

_“Really?” madness glistened in Palermo’s eyes_

_“Really”_

He had tons of time to think these days and his sadness started shifting. At the beginning it would occasionally leave him, for only couple of seconds and something darker, more dangerous took her place. At first, Martín didn’t know what it was so he ignored it, but day by day the feeling started taking shape, poking at Palermo’s heart and he found himself being insomniac, instead of sleeping 15 hours per day, he would sleep two or three. Food also wasn’t on his list these days and he often just left the meals Sergio would bring him. In the hours of being wide awake he would sit on the beach, even in the nights, and watch the calm water. Sometimes he swam too. 

He started smoking too, nasty, disgusting cigarettes that he wouldn’t even look at before. But that was before and now was different. Smoking was calming, there was something about blowing out clouds of smoke and watching them disappear in the air. Every night he would read Andrés’ letter, searching for the answers, trying to calm down this monstrosity nesting in his chest.

One day the monster showed its teeth. 

“I’m leaving” seeing the look on Sergio’s face after he said that was almost hilarious

“What? Where?” the Professor frowned “Martín, we need to get to Palawan in about two weeks, safety measures and stuff, everything is almost ready

“I said I was leaving” Martín crossed his arms on his chest with his chin up “And my name is Palermo”

“Where?”

“Italy” 

“The police will catch you faster than you blink” Sergio shook his head. He couldn’t let him leave

“They won’t” Palermo’s voice was cold “And you’re in no position to tell me what to do”

“Where’s that attitude coming from?”

“Well, your brother is dead because of you, no?” Sergio winced at those words and the inert tone he was using. Martín’s face was completely washed off of any emotions whatsoever and that made him look creepy. Dead almost “I’m taking my money and I’m leaving”

“Wait” Sergio took a step forward “Coordinates”

“No”

“Yes, this is the only thing you have to give me before you go. Then, I don’t care” the Professor held Martín’s arm tightly and they stood like that, in silence, until Martín rolled his eyes and gave in, writing up his coordinates on a piece of paper. Sergio put them into his pocket and sighed “You’re gonna be alright?”

“Perhaps” Martín shrugged. He didn’t care, didn’t feel anything at all “I don’t care at all”

Palermo, Italy, January 

The apartment was shitty enough not to care about it too much, so Martín didn’t put much energy to keeping it clean, nobody was here but him so it didn’t matter. Lots of things stopped mattering in Martín’s life and their place was taken by his new best friend. The monster that started growing in him back in Thailand was untamed, wild and dangerous but Martín grew to tolerate it, like it even. It kept him company.

_“Come down love  
Berlín in the cold  
All that fighting, all that snow”_

He still wasn’t sleeping much but there was always some place he could go to. There was also the piano in the corner of his living area but he didn’t dare to touch it. It was calling out to him but at the same time Martín knew it had thorns that would hurt him if touched. Music on the radio or a gramophone was accepted though, kept him sane and conscious. Well, of course the second thing applied only when Martín run out of liquor and was too lazy to go out and buy more. He was pretty used to this type of life, he went through that stage couple of times and he knew what could help him and what was useless. For example, he couldn’t have any light objects in his apartment because they would sooner or later fly all over the rooms when the monster inside him woke up. He kept his gun but it was always under the bed, safe and loaded, waiting for better days.

_“Sober nights and Byron on my mind  
Tell me I’m not going home  
And I’ll stop waiting by the phone”_

He thought of himself as a genius. He said it millions of times before that living without him wasn’t possible, that they would have to die together because Martín wouldn’t stand it – this was exactly the case now. He tried so hard forgetting his name but it was carved into his soul, burned into his heart and there no way, just no way of getting rid of it. Drinking also gave zero effect but at least it kept his monster asleep. Martín didn’t like him awake, the anger it would bring was so overwhelming that he was lucky to be living far away from people, screams and things flying around the room would definitely be a reason to call the police. 

_“Bedroom floor  
And silence in my blood  
Sorry love I’m running home  
I’m a child of sun and the stars I love”_

The title of this song was a forbidden word. It didn’t exist in Martín’s dictionary, just like two more names that once meant everything to him

He missed his sister. She hadn’t heard from him in 8 months and that only meant that her baby number 2 was already born and he failed yet another thing in his life, that was being a godfather. Maybe it was for the best, he wouldn’t want Julia to see him like this, drunk and miserable. She had her life, he didn’t have his and that’s how it was, simple. He missed her, he missed his friends, he missed Sergio and he missed… yes, him. Him he missed the most. 

There was an idea that’s been banging in his head for almost a week now but it was kind of dangerous and very stupid and yet, he found himself at a phone booth the next day, calling the only number he had on him

“Hello?” her voice was clear and familiar, making Martín’s heart clench “Hello?”

“Hi” Palermo’s voice was hoarse but she recognized him immediately

“Martín! Oh my God, so good to hear you, where are you?”

“Are you in Italy?”

“Yes, Sicily, why?”

“Perfect. Catania?”

“Just like always, why? Are you in danger?”

“I need to see you”

“Okay”

“Okay” Palermo let out a shaky breath “Give me three hours”

Of course he chose the motorcycle that he bought before and of course he was a tiny bit tipsy. He had to be to even go out to people, but he was so used to it that driving was no biggie. The weather was beautiful and the road pleasant and Martín found himself smiling a tiny little bit. He wished he could see it too, they would race on those roads and Martín would be faster of course but it wouldn’t make any difference.

Stopping at the house he was overwhelmed once again, despite having seen it many times before. There was just enough of good taste and extravagant architecture to make it look like a work of art. He parked his motorcycle, took off the helmet and tried to smile sincerely so it wouldn’t look forced. He failed. 

She was already waiting for him outside. Seeing him she smiled sadly and opened her arms allowing Martín to sink in them and cry, cry, cry until there was no more tears in him

“Martín Berrote” she kissed his head, holding him tight and gently rocking his body “I’m so, so sorry…”

“Tatiana, I can’t go on for much longer… I can’t…” a new wave of tears flooded him entirely and he was broken, broken and useless and the whole inside him was swallowing every good from the world around him 

“Let’s go inside, no?” she gently held his hand, her face worried “Come on”

The inside of the house always made Martín think of Paris, it was probably about the design or maybe the paintings on the walls but the space was beautiful and open, not like Palermo’s ugly apartment.

“Would you have a drink?” Tatiana led him to the kitchen and sent him a questioning look, but seeing his face she just quietly poured him a shot of whisky “There”

“Thanks” Martín emptied the glass with a single move and put it away, fighting with the tears that tried to come out

“Are you… holding up?”

“I guess” he shrugged, bringing his eyes up on her “Am I?”

“It’s… been a while so I thought… Well… I wouldn’t expect to see you again, definitely not so soon” she admitted, sipping her whisky 

“I don’t know what I’m doing here to be honest” Martín was so, so tired “I would propose a fuck but I doubt I could pull it through”

Tatiana chuckled softly, shaking her head “You’re an idiot” she patted his arm “As if you could make it stand for a woman”

“I would close my eyes” he joked and it’s been couple seconds before they started laughing like two best friends, careless and happy until they were out of breath 

“I missed you to be honest” she leaned her chin on her fist “It’s been what, 8 months?”

“Yeah” Martín nodded and seeing her face he immediately added “No. We’re not talking about him”

“I thought that’s exactly what you want to do…” Tatiana bit her lip

“No. I don’t”

“Is that an…” she pointed at his ring finger, not daring to finish the question

“I gifted it to him long ago… and he gave it back with an unspoken question… I said yes” a hint of smile appeared on his lips 

“I would love to see the wedding” Tatiana looked away, deep in thoughts “You know, if you don’t wanna talk about it… I have a friend who can get your mind off of things for couple hours” she was so genuine with the proposal that Martín couldn’t help but to smile

“Is it bad that I don’t even want that? I had sex with Helsinki on the boat and…” he shrugged “I don’t know, I cried the whole time”

“It’s not so you could enjoy it” she scoffed “It’s so your mind would shut off for some time”

“If he’s sweet and gentle, no”

“He’s anything but that” there was a phone in her hand “You want to go to his place I assume?”

“Tell him I like tequila and rough sex” Martín’s face was nothing but empty, he felt empty. He didn’t care about the sex, he just hoped to stop thinking for couple of hours. Maybe he would get so drunk he will get some sleep too?

“Martín”

“That’s not my name anymore, Tatiana. My name is Palermo”

She changed something in her text “His name is Alessandro, I will write down the address for you… M-Palermo let me help you. Please, you look like a ghost”

“I know. You should’ve seen my apartment” he laughed sadly “You see, I was supposed to die with him. Or live with him, there was no other option. If I could come back for him, nothing like this would be happening now. You know?”

“Have you ever thought he… wanted you to live? He knew you had so much more time than him and…”

“Stop” Martín sniffed “Please, say no more. I can’t, okay? It doesn’t help me”

“I know, I just figured I had to say that. I know you wanted to die together and honestly, I hate Sergio for ruining that plan for you. As much as I like you, Palermo, I know better than to stop you from anything you want to do, even if it’s something like dying stupidly” she looked him in the eyes and he finally felt… understood

“I just… don’t know what to do with myself, you know?” he felt the tears wetting his eyes “I was with him for years and years and now…”

“What did you do before?”

“Before?”

“Before you met him”

“I was nobody. He made me someone”

With a promise he would come back the next day, Palermo put minimal effort in getting himself to look decent, he combed his hair, borrowed a shirt from Tatiana’s ex and drove to Alessandro’s house having little to no expectations as he knew he wouldn’t enjoy sex with someone else than him. The place looked very similar on the outside to the one he lived in so he already liked the vibe. Martín knocked and the door swung open, showing a guy with clearly Italian genes, looking a little bit like someone who once was Martín’s entire life an that only almost made him run away but it was too late “Palermo” he had a warm voice that vibrated gently in his ears “I’m Alessio, nice to meet you, come in” Palermo heard the music blasting when he stepped inside, looking around with no shame. He didn’t have much time to observe the place because Alessio pinned him to the wall and started kissing, clearly not wanting any small talk. Martín hesitantly kissed back, feeling nothing but repulse. He didn’t want to be kissing that man, neither do more but then he wanted to feel in control for once, so he shoved Alessio down onto the floor and brought a smirk onto his face 

“What else that mouth can do, hm?”

There was pleasure flooding his body, but it didn’t reach his insides, it was nothing like with him, when he would feel safe and sound closed in a warm embrace, careless and free and happy. Alessio brought him nothing but pure physical pleasure and when they were done and he fell asleep, Palermo slipped out of bed and started getting dressed, feeling his arms starting to shake violently. He was quick on his feet and he took his stuff and very quietly left the apartment, closing the door behind him. The night was warm and the sky clear, stars visible on the surface. In that exact moment he realized how empty he really was. He didn’t care about anyone enough so they could be his reason to live, he couldn’t see his family, the love of his life was dead… 

_“I want you to tell me about the gold, Martín. Imagine the remarkable, precious gold”_

Sergio was right. It was a stupid, impossible idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who found a Panic! At The Disco reference in this chapter gets a dedication on the next one! 😁


	4. Who can it be now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having so much fun with writing this story, you guys have no idea! 🤩 Dedication for this chapter goes to @Bucky_Bear_Protection for guessing the P!ATD reference correctly ❤️   
> Today I bring you the ultimate flashback, the most important one I believe and I'm so proud of it and actually of the entire chapter and I hope you will love it as much as I do 🥺
> 
> Enjoy y'all, I hope you're liking the story so far 😁
> 
> [Today's song: Men At Work - Who Can It Be Now?]

Palermo, Italy, June

You would think that 8 months would be enough time to put yourself together and keep living the life you used to live, but no. For Palermo it was still a nightmare. There wasn’t a single night when he wouldn’t wake up from a bad dream, and it was always the same exact one

_The money bags were heavy as he was helping to carry them, but his heart wasn’t and when Andrés pulled him into his office, Palermo knew that he was also high on adrenaline maybe even more that Martín himself_

_“You beautiful, smart thing” Andrés took his face and laughed happily, almost teary-eyed “We did it!”_

_“We’re still inside, leave the celebrations for later” Martín couldn’t help but to giggle and when their lips linked, he hummed joyfully, wrapping his arms around Berlín and kissing back with all the enthusiasm_

_“I love you” Andrés managed to cut through all the kissing_

_“Why now? We’re about to escape this shithole” Martín scoffed, making a funny face and looking his amor in the eyes_

_“Can’t I tell you that I love you from time to time?”_

_“Andrés” Palermo’s heart clenched and he quickly kissed him again not to cry like a baby “If things get ugly, we move to plan Argentina, remember”_

_“I do remember” Andrés caressed his face and frowned when he heard voices calling out his name “We have to go, it’s time”_

_“Berlín” Martín swallowed heavily, grabbing his hand “I love you too”_

_Accompanied by Andrés’ crystal-clear laughter, they rushed towards the others, ready to escape. The money was safely moved to the bunker, now all that was left were them. One by one they were gathering in the vault number three, ready for the great escape, believing they will all manage to get out safe. They heard it first than they saw it_

_“Let’s get out of here!” Rio was panting heavily, fear filling up his eyes as he ran into the vault, dirty and tired_

_“They’re in the basement” Tokyo gasped, following Rio with her gun loaded and ready. Berlín sent them a look and growled_

_“Get out now” he linked his gaze with Palermo “Out! That’s an order!” Tokyo looked shocked and uncertain as she wasn’t sure if that was a joke or a serious command, but Rio pushed her harshly so she would follow him. She didn’t take her eyes off of Berlín the entire time, until she disappeared in the tunnel._

_Martín didn’t panic, he just nodded, breathed out through the nose and said calmly “Argentina, Berlín” he confidently grabbed his hand_

_“Berlín! Palermo!” Nairobi got out of the vault, desperation in her eyes “Let’s go! We don’t have time!”_

_Berlín smiled widely and shook his head, his fingers tightly laced with Martín’s. Nairobi froze, looking like someone slapped her, and it was more than enough to make the smile disappear from Berlín’s face to give way to something that could only be described as bitterness_

_“Berlín, Palermo, they’re almost at you, they’re coming down the stairs, hurry!” Sergio spoke through the earphone but nobody paid attention to it_

_“Get out of here” Berlín spoke again, getting nervous._

_“It’s now or never!” Helsinki screamed, half way in the vault already_

_“Helsinki, love, take Nairobi. We’ll hold the fort” Palermo winked at him, taking a step closer to feel Andrés’ arm rub his own for comfort_

_“What do you mean, hold the fort?!” she pushed away Helsinki’s hand, tears glistening in her eyes_

_“We said go!” Berlín raised his voice, letting go of Martín for couple of seconds to gesticulate “If they get here, we’re all dead”_

_“What are you doing, you stupid morons?!” she wasn’t having any of their shit_

_“Plan Argentina” Martín grinned, placing his hand on Andrés’ arm “See you upstairs, cariños”_

_“No” she trembled, pushing her hair from her face “We’re leaving together, that’s the plan!”_

_“Nairobi” Berlín closed the space between them and smiled again “We all agreed that me and Palermo are misogynistic pigs, right? Well then, ladies first, soldiers last”_

_“I hate you!” she burst into tears, being pulled inside the tunnel by Helsinki, they both screaming loudly “I hate you both!”_

_They were left alone and Berlín turned around, gripping Palermo tightly and kissing him like there was no tomorrow as long as they didn’t run out of breath “Martín” he smiled softly “Look, just like we promised each other. Bonnie and Clyde, ah, what a day!” his laughter echoed in the corridor_

_“Come here” Palermo pulled him back for more kisses, gripping his hair, feeling his heart banging at the cage of his ribs_

_“Argentina” Andrés gasped when they let go of each other_

_“Argentina” Martín whispered back, flushed and shaking with excitement “Let’s go!”_

_Everything was ready – both of them behind the fort, Palermo holding the ammo and Berlín with the machine guy, finger on the trigger. They waited, buzzing with excitement, ready for the heroic death or the escape of a century_

_“I’ve never loved you more than now, my brave ingeniero” Andrés hummed with a smile on his face “We’re the resistencía”_

_“As soon as they throw the grenade, we run, my love. We run and don’t look back” Martín was nervous, too nervous to talk about anything else than escape plan and Berlín knew that very well, so he didn’t push_

_The special forces didn’t make much noise as they came, but the machine gun was like an opera – loud and clear and chaotic. Martín grinned hearing Andrés screaming as he was shooting, he had his hand on the small of his back keeping him steady and giving him the affection and support_

_“Palermo, load it!”_

_Palermo’s actions were fast and fearless despite the bullets flying towards them and Andrés squeezed his arm for a split second before he started firing once again, madness in his eyes._

_“Load! Now, come on! We’re Bonnie and Clyde, Palermo, load it! That’s right!”_

_Another round of heavy fire and Martín’s ears were ringing but he had never felt so alive before, he was in love, he was fighting for his dream liberty at the side of his other half, there was nothing more perfect_

_“Another load! Go!”_

_As that one ended, two grenades landed on the ground and that was the moment they were waiting for_

_Palermo and Berlín immediately left everything and started running, Berlín’s arm protectively wrapped around his ingeniero, and they fell on the ground behind the corner, covering themselves as much as possible, Martín’s head in Andrés’ hands. Then everything went black and the sound of an explosion shook them both to the core._

_“Now, Martín, it’s time” Berlín’s voice cut through the ringing in his ears “Come on!” they rose from the ground, grinning at each other “You’re okay?”_

_“Yes, yes, now let’s go!”_

_“Run as fast as you can, Martín, I’m right behind you” Andrés nodded at him and gave him one last kiss, quick and shallow but so full of love it hurt_

_“Don’t stop running”_

_“Don’t look back”_

_“Alright. Go!” Martín turned towards the tunnel and started running for his life to the vault, his feet banging at the floor. He heard Berlín behind him and he already felt freedom waiting for them in couple of seconds. Suddenly he heard the vault’s door being closed and before he managed to stop it, it was already shut. In one brief second his life turned into hell and he screamed at the top of his lungs “Berlín! Berlín, open it! Berlín, no!”_

_“Run, Martín, run when you still can!” he heard Andrés on the other side and he howled like an animal, loud and desperate_

_“NO! Come back! Coño, we have time, Andrés, we have time, please! PLEASE!” all of a sudden there were strong arms around him and he started kicking and tossing and screaming even louder, his gaze blurry with tears “Let me go! No! Let me go, I won’t leave him, Berlín! BERLÍN! You promised, Berlín, no! La puta madre!” he was being carried to the tunnel by Helsinki and he wasn’t strong enough to pull out of the embrace but he surely could yell and that’s exactly what he did “LET ME GO! Fucker, hijo de puta, let me go, I have to be there, let me go! No! Andrés! ANDRÉS!” he felt something hitting his head and he lost consciousness immediately, his cries stopping_

That was usually the moment he would wake up. Sometimes the dream followed to the whole drive when Martín had to be tied up, gagged and held down by Helsinki, Denver and Rio because he wouldn’t stop tossing and screaming. They gave him a shitload of opiates then and it was the only reason why he managed to survive the time before the boat. The rest was obvious

He hated that nightmare because it was relieving that moment over and over again and even if he knew that scene by heart, it still hurt as much as when it actually happened. The nightmares started couple of weeks ago and there was nothing he could do to tame them. He slowly turned into a wreck, he started sleeping with random people, drinking shady alcohol and smoking nasty cigarettes that cost almost nothing and the quality was… also almost nothing. He kind of started to realize what Tokyo meant by living the nasty, filthy life, it was a bit relieving not knowing whether he would wake up with some stranger in the morning or not, whether he would pass out drunk or not. Martín sometimes felt like Dionysus, lazily sipping wine on someone’s couch while some guy was sucking him with all the passion and desire he had. Living _la vida loca_ , no doubt. 

Was he happy?

What happiness even was? He couldn’t remember, but the memories of it were still vivid in his head from time to time, when he wasn’t drunk for couple of hours. He completely left his Bank of Spain plan, he put all the plans and sketches into a big wooden box which was under his bed, locked and gathering dust. He wasn’t going to melt the gold anymore, even if he was supposed to live that story to tell it when… 

Dying wasn’t his desire anymore. He wasn’t thinking of suicide when he was partying, when he had wild, rough sex, when he drunk himself to the point of passing out, when he was spending sleepless nights at the beach. Sometimes though, a mere though would nest in his mind, somewhere in the back, quiet but noticeable. It was those moments when he would take out his gun, load it and play with the idea. He never actually took that step, no, this wasn’t poetry and Palermo wanted poetry at its finest, he wanted to be Shakespeare, he wanted to sculpt his fate like Michelangelo sculpted David, he wanted it to be an homage to someone who loved art almost as much as he loved Martín. 

Palermo was old. He was only around forty, but he felt twice as that. Sometimes he would wonder how it would be to go out there and find someone to spend the rest of his life with, for real, force himself to fall in love

_“Don't fall in love, Martín, as I believe that we are soulmates and soulmates should be together forever”_

So he didn’t. Not like he could, but he didn’t even dare to try. Time was slipping through his fingers and his money stayed almost untouched. Palermo imagined everyone partying, buying worthless shit to have fun for some time, all of that jazz. His money was almost untouched, he would only buy essentials and alcohol, cigarettes. He would see Tatiana once every week, two but then she got herself a boyfriend so Martín just stopped picking up the phone until it stopped ringing. He never gave Sergio his real coordinates so the guy had no way of finding him and it probably worked, because he never came. After 8 months his apartment looked like a shithole, there was no way of calling it differently, it was filthy, disorganized and empty. He didn’t even have plates because he broke all of them during one of his blinding fury attacks. Did he mind? No, but did he ever get guys here? Also no. He had a little bit of dignity and shame left, it wasn’t much but it was enough to hold his head high and smile while being around people. They knew him as smug, witty Palermo and if he ran for a Grammy, he would probably get it for the best acting ever.

He spent hours upon hours watching old movies and listening to music. Music was something he liked, enough so it wasn’t irritating just like people were. Music was the only company he really liked and he honestly was content just like that.

Sometimes a mere thought of his father crossed his mind. Was he proud of Martín for leading the biggest heist in history? Palermo never showed his face, but he was sure his sister, Julia, let him know. 

Julia

That was someone he didn’t like thinking about. He hoped she was living her best life and that she was happy. With two kids and her dream job she for sure was. 

You could wonder if Martín cried but you should be surprised – he didn’t. It was like he lost the ability to produce tears or any emotion whatsoever. He became perfect in faking smiles, laughs and sadness when needed but he didn’t really feel them. He was like a doll with empty, glass eyes that showed nothing. Black nothing. He was sick of himself, that’s why all the mirrors in his apartment were long gone. He broke them because he couldn’t stand the sight of his own face, his awfully skinny body, his hair that sometimes would fall out a lot. He didn’t need to look decent to lure guys to bed, they were more than eager because Martín was good, he was vocal and they didn’t care when he left without a word almost every time. It was good for both sides.

Martín’s birthday came silently, no fireworks, nothing. He spent the day sleeping off an awful hangover from the previous night that ended with him stumbling into his apartment around 8 am, and when he woke up around 7 pm, he ordered himself a pizza and opened a flask of a very expensive tequila. He even cared enough to get himself salt and lime, as a cultural man would. He was sitting on the rooftop with his bottle and his food and this one time, he actually poured the liquor into a shot glass. It didn’t matter it was plastic.

“Happy birthday, Palermo” he whispered, toasting to a sunset that coloured the sky red like fresh blood and downing the shot with salt and lime. He smiled at the taste, after all, it was the best alcohol he’d had since forever. He brought his knees to his chest and leaned his chin on them, looking at the sun hiding behind the horizon. He even got himself a gift but he was waiting, lingering, just a little bit longer as it was just one-time thing. Only once. He had to savour it. He took two more shots and ate a slice of pizza, fighting with himself to force the food through his throat into his stomach. It was incredibly hard as he had a gag reflex at anything nutritious these times, his stomach tolerated alcohol and dry foods only, pizza was almost luxurious and indigestible for him. Funny how once, he would relish in the most expensive dishes and wine and now he couldn’t even look at them.

When the sun completely disappeared, Martín smiled softly and closed his eyes, enjoying a brief breeze caressing his face all so gently “I love you, Andrés, and I’m sorry I failed you” he whispered, letting the name dance on his tongue, allowing the letters ‘n’ and ‘d’ to hit his palate and leave sweet aftertaste there. This was the most beautiful gift he could give himself and he sighed at the sudden clench of his heart. He hadn’t said that name in 8 months and it was so weird to be doing that. Palermo hated how a deep hidden desire he kicked back into the depths of his mind woke up, dragging the word once again from his mouth. He couldn’t give in.

Forget.

It didn’t exist. There was no such name, it didn’t exist, he just imagined that. There was no such thing. He didn’t know that word.

He knew he would be hurting after this birthday gift but the one second of sweet pain was worth it. He took another shot, not caring about the stupid salt anymore, birthday was over. He downed ¾ of the bottle before he felt sick and only then he moved closer to the edge, letting his legs hang in the air “Come on, Palermo, you coward. You worthless piece of shit. Go on, jump” he spoke out loud, his voice shaking. He would never admit it but there was this fear inside him, fear that there was nothing after death and he would never see him again “Didn’t he teach you how not to be a coward? Ha, you taught him how not to be! He always called you brave, what are you waiting for?” he was trembling all over, the almost empty bottle breaking when he dropped in onto the ground next to him, tears gathering in his eyes for the first time in forever “Come on, one move and it’s done, you won’t even feel it. C-come on, you loser, _hijo de puta_ , you didn’t save him, jump. Jump! You deserve this!” his hands grabbed the edge and he swallowed harshly

“Palermo”

“Now you’re afraid? Now? He would laugh at you, you’re pathetic! You’re nothing!” he continued whispering to himself, choking on his own tears, but then there was a pair of hands on his trembling arms and then they wrapped around his chest and he could do nothing but lean to the touch, breaking his façade of ‘I don’t care anymore’

“I’m here” Sergio’s soft voice vibrated in his ear and he held him so tight Palermo almost started suffocating. He could hear him cry and he felt his neck getting wet where Sergio leaned his face but it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter, he was here, he was here for Palermo and suddenly he wanted to be back on steady ground so he gripped his friend tightly and let him lead them both to the middle of the rooftop, far away from the edge. Only then Sergio turned Martín around and shook his head, letting out a sob “It’s been too long” he pressed him to his chest and that’s how they stood, closed in a tight, loving embrace, both crying their hearts out 

“I miss him so m-much…” Palermo sniffed, not able to calm down even a little “And… And I missed… you… I’m so alone…”

“Shh… I’m here now and I’m not leaving you alone anymore” Sergio kissed the top of Martín’s head and took his face into his hands “Look at me, Martín”

“Pa…”

“No” he stopped Palermo, shaking his head “You’re going to look at me, Martín Berrote, right the fuck now” 

Martín couldn’t do anything but obey at that tone “I’m looking”

“It’s been too long, Martín, and I’m going to put you back together even if it’s going to cost me, do you understand?”

He just nodded

“I will take care of you, because that’s what I promised Andrés”

“No!” Palermo let out a loud shriek “Do not say that name!”

“I will. I fucking will say that name, because he was my fucking brother! You hear me? Andrés was my fucking brother, _coño_ , and the love of your life so you’re going to respect his name and say it!” 

“No” Martín’s voice broke into a whisper “I can’t”

“Say it”

“No… Sergio, please…”

“Fine” Professor sighed, still holding his friend “But we’re going to drop the Palermo bullshit, alright? I need my smart _ingeniero_ back, hm?”

“Why are you here?” Martín just gave up all the fighting 

“It’s your birthday, no? You thought I won’t come to celebrate?” he smiled but Palermo couldn’t reciprocate 

“I already celebrated”

“By almost jumping from the rooftop?”

“Fun, right?” Martín forced a smirk but it didn’t reach his eyes 

“That pizza still edible?” Sergio pointed at the box and Palermo nodded “Come on then, let’s sit”

“I am way too drunk and tired for a pep talk, Sergio” Martín’s head leaned on his friend’s arm 

“I wasn’t going to give you one. I thought we could just sit in silence and watch the stars and in the morning, we will figure out what’s next”

“Okay”

“Hey”

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday, _ingeniero_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question - would you be interested in me making a Belermo playlist on Spotify to those two stories of mine? Would you want that?


	5. Ain't no sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you missed me, because I'm sliding in with new chapter today! It's a bit shorter but the next one is fire and there's finally a memory that you're going to LOVE, I promise <3 This chapter is just Sergio being a nanny and a secret guest making Palermo happy for the first time in forever
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> [song: Ain't No Sunshine - Michael Jackson]

Sergio didn’t say a word about Martín’s apartment but when Martín woke up next morning (or more like noon) he was already up and cleaning, leaving his friend baffled “Sergio? What… what is it?”

“You live in a trashcan, Palermo, you know?” Professor wiped his forehead “Andrés wouldn’t even look at this place”

He didn’t answer to that but approached the fridge and opened it to find it surprisingly full, which was a nice change, and lacking the liquor which was a very bad change “Sergio…”

“I poured it into the toilet, don’t bother” Sergio was wiping all the surfaces in the place “Make yourself some decent food and drink some coffee, you’re not going to be walking around drunk all the time”

“You are so much like him sometimes” Palermo shook his head, closing the fridge and making himself a couple of espresso to wake up a little “It’s unbelievable”

“I have to be, otherwise you won’t put yourself together” he stood above Martín sitting at the table, hands on his hips “You’re going to eat even if I have to force it down your throat"

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because, you _hijo de puta_ …” Sergio grabbed Palermo’s shirt and looked him in the eyes, clearly furious “…I gave you time. I gave you half a year of freedom and then I went to the coordinates you gave me, only to find out they were fake! I looked for you and you know how dangerous traveling is! But then, then it hit me. It was so fucking obvious, Martín, you always come back to your beloved Italy. Always! All it took was asking couple of people if they know you. So I came. You think you have the right to just destroy yourself so I lose you both, Andrés and you?! No! That is not going to happen, _coño_!”

Martín was speechless, his eyes full of tears. He would never think Sergio cared so much, he knew they were like brothers but this… “I’m sorry” he whispered because it was the only thing on his mind right now 

“Don’t be sorry, just get yourself together for fuck’s sake! I need you, Martín! I need you! Andrés is gone but you… you’re still here and I’m not letting you go, okay?”

“I’m a nightmare to be around”

“I know” Sergio scoffed “I know how far you can go to destroy yourself, I know it all. And frankly, I don’t care”

“You don’t care” Martín frowned 

“No, because I can imagine your pain and I don’t expect you to miraculously fix yourself” Professor let go of his friend’s shirt and sighed, leaning his elbows on the table “But wouldn’t it be easier if you didn’t have to worry about paying the rent, buying food and all of that? Aren’t you lonely?”

“I celebrated my birthday on the rooftop with tequila, Sergio, answer that question yourself”

“You keep going, yes, and I’m pretty sure you would still until one day you would either jump or drink too much” 

“Perhaps that would happen yesterday…”

“Exactly. But maybe I will be able to help you learn how to live again”

“How are you not mourning?” Palermo shook his head, pretty confused “I can barely breathe without him”

“I had good coping mechanisms and… our relationship was different, Martín” Sergio grabbed his arms and it was such a familiar gesture that Martín melted in the touch “I’m good enough to be able to help you”

“Sergio” Palermo had his eyes closed, his breath painful and shallow 

“What?”

“Please… Please, don’t touch me like this”

“Shit, sorry” he immediately let go, guilt on his face “I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“I know” Martín nodded “Just don’t”

“So what do you say? Will you try?”

“Yeah” there was a glimpse of something in Palermo’s eyes that Sergio couldn’t quite name “Save me”

In this moment Professor knew what this was. It was hope, weak and barely visible, but it was there, ready to grow and maybe even blossom in the future.

Bern, Switzerland, August

Martín was wearing a dark purple shirt tucked inside blue pants with nice creamy belt holding it all together. He was combing his hair in front of a mirror, smelling fresh with a hint of citruses and mint. He looked incredibly handsome with his freshly shaved face and a wild look in his eye

“Are you ready?” Sergio crossed his arms, flicking his glasses up his nose “Hm?”

“ _Uno momento, por favor_ ” Palermo winked at him “Are you sure it’s completely, totally safe?”

“The police have never seen your face so yes, I am sure” 

“Alright then” Martín put away the comb and swirled around “How do I look?”

“Good” Sergio answered and that elicited a smile from his friend. A real, eye-reaching smile “Very good”

“ _Bien_. We can go then” they left their apartment and got into the car Sergio bought when they got here. Martín relaxed after fastening his belt and let out a soft laugh “It almost feels like you’re taking me for a date with someone”

“Would you want it to be a date?” Professor started the engine and started driving, turning on the radio 

“No” Palermo shook his head “I am forever faithful to my one and only. But the meeting will surely be nice”

“If you’re planning on getting back tomorrow morning instead of tonight… just text me, okay?”

“Of course” he turned the volume up “Guantanamera! Guajira Guantanamera! Guantamaera!” he sang, laughing loudly and Sergio just joined him, appreciating his good mood.

In two months only everything changed completely. They started with leaving Sicily and moving to Milan, since Martín categorically didn’t want to come back to the monastery. They rented an apartment and Sergio wouldn’t leave Martín for even a minute, slowly fixing him inch by inch. The first thing was getting him sober and that itself took almost two weeks but was worth it, because Martín started eating again and the colors came back to his face. He also wasn’t that horribly skinny anymore for which Sergio was extremely grateful. The second thing was teaching him to appreciate life again and that… that seemed impossible at the beginning. But Sergio had figured out what to do and it worked like a charm. They would do things that Martín used to do with Andrés, which was going to opera and theater, dining in very extravagant restaurants, they even managed to pull out a small robbery ending up with couple of diamonds from a jewelry store. They would dance to some old music, watch movies and talk for hours and life started coming back to Martín’s eyes, slowly, but surely. They each had their own bedroom but after first couple of nights, Sergio would just sleep in Palermo’s bed because the poor guy was waking up every hour or so, relieving the nightmare over and over again. Sergio would then shake him gently if he was still asleep and hold him in his arms until Martín was soundly asleep once again. But that also started changing with Martín’s mood lifting up – there were fewer wake-up moments, then he would wake up every other night and after a month he slept well again. Sometimes he would have a bad dream but it wasn’t horrible enough to disturb him much. Sergio didn’t mind sleeping next to him and he knew Martín found comfort and safety in his presence after so many lonely months. 

The most important change for Sergio was that Martín started smiling and reacting to his real name again. First, those smiles were shy, delicate, gentle, they didn’t reach his eyes and slowly, slowly they were changing, widening, they became honest and Palermo’s famous wit even showed up from time to time. Sergio could cry about it, really. 

To be fair, Sergio couldn’t say that Martín was perfectly fine and dandy, he would still disappear for hours and come back with his eyes red-rimmed, there were days when he just locked himself in his bedroom and blasted music to the point of a headache, there were still moments when he refused to eat and cried silently in the bathroom, but… He was getting better.

And as a reward for his efforts, Sergio organised a very special meeting for Martín, as something to cheer him up a little. He hoped that his friend would enjoy it and find comfort in seeing that person. He could only guess

“Okay, _hermano_ ” he stopped the car and looked at Martín “Here’s the restaurant, your pair for tonight is already waiting for you at the table outside. Have fun” he winked at him and watched as Martín got out of the car and adjusted his pants, before he drove back to the apartment.

Martín was nervous. He had no idea whom he was seeing but he hoped it was somebody fun, because he wasn’t really ready for anything specific just yet. He approached the restaurant and looked around and that’s when he spotted him “ _Dios mio_ , is that true what I’m seeing now?!” he grinned widely, seeing a familiar face

“Palermo!” Helsinki rose from the chair he was sitting on and pulled Martín into a tight embrace. It was so sweet and familiar that Palermo immediately hugged back, happy tears streaming down his face “It’s so good to see you, you look good!”

“You look even better” Martín sniffled, smiling at him “Shall we sit?”

“Sure” they were looking at each other with smiles plastered on their faces 

“How have you been? And how… how is that possible that you’re here? What about Nairobi?” Palermo threw questions at him with the speed of a starting rocket 

“Slow down, champ” Helsinki laughed “I’m very good indeed, I’m here because Professor called me a week ago and said you weren’t so well and could use seeing a familiar face. Nairobi is where she was before, she’s doing great, no worries”

“You really came after… after what I’ve done to you” Martín whispered, reaching across the table to squeeze Helsinki’s hand

“You didn’t do anything to me, Palermo, I helped you when you needed help. End of story” he caressed the back of his hand and took the menu “I hope you’re hungry”

“Depends for what” Martín winked at him, making his friend laugh. They chose their dishes and through the whole waiting and the meal they told each other what was happening during those months when they haven’t seen each other. They talked and talked and talked more and suddenly it was the closure time so they downed their beers and laughing happily, decided to go for a walk 

“So you live with Sergio now, hm?” Helsi asked while they walked with their forearms linked

“Yes, we have a pretty nice apartment about 15 minutes from here” Martín smiled at him “And you?”

“You don’t really think I came all the way only for one evening, Palermo” Helsinki nudged him gently “Sergio did a good job with you, hm?”

“It’s only his merit that I am able to walk around, laugh and all of that. As I told you I was a wreck not so long ago”

“I thought about you a lot” Helsi looked at him hesitantly and Martín almost, _almost_ went for it. It would be so easy to just pretend to be in love, to go on dates again, to call somebody ‘his’… But no. He couldn’t lie to Helsinki like that, he knew pretty well he would never be able to fall in love in someone other than Andrés 

“I just want you to know, that…” Martín bit his lip “I would really want that, you know? With you. But I know I can’t and I will never can, because… that’s just how I was molded. I’m destined to love Andrés and I will love him till my last breath. I could pretend but… I would never hurt you like that, Helsi. Never”

“We don’t have to date, but… I was thinking that maybe you could stay the night?”

Palermo hesitated. He wasn’t really aware of other people’s feelings but he had a brief thought that this might not be the best idea ever “Uhm… Look, I spent last few months going to bed with random people and having dirty, ugly, humiliating sex with them and…”

“Martín” Helsinki’s voice was firm “I didn’t ask you for a fuck. I asked you to stay the night” they smiled at each other and Martín nodded slowly, feeling the wave of affection poking at his cold heart  
“Alright then. I will stay” 

They got to Helsinki’s hotel room around 1 am and Martín had no idea how to act. He forgot how a normal date looked like, it wasn’t even a date, but he had no idea what to do. He was used to being pushed to a wall or onto the bed and fucked into oblivious… But there they were and he was simply awkward “The last time you were in my room ended up very differently” Helsinki joked, turning on the lights “You can shower first and I will fix us some drinks, how does that sound?”

“I don’t have any spare clothes on me” Martín almost blushed

“You can borrow mine, don’t worry” he provided Palermo with everything and pushed him towards the bathroom. In the shower Martín’s head was buzzing with thoughts and he was torn – on one hand, sex would be a great finish to this day for both of them, but on the other… Every relationship Martín had with people, even brief one, ended in bed. Did it make him happy? No. He realized only now how much he needed others to love him and appreciate him and Helsinki was the closest to Andrés he could get, not counting Sergio of course. But he simply couldn’t, no. No. That made little to no sense, they would part ways in couple of days…

What if…

Quick, passionate romance that would leave both of them wanting and desperate? 

What if.

Would he hurt Helsinki with it? Would he hurt himself? What would Andrés say? Andrés was always jealous about Helsinki… But he also said in his letter that Martín should make people fall for him but he shouldn’t fall in love himself. He didn’t say anything about sex. 

What if. 

“I made you a martíni” Helsinki snorted at his own joke when Martín left the bathroom “It’s the only drink I can make and I find it pretty funny, don’t you think?”

Palermo smirked and took a glass from him “The best joke I’ve heard in a long time” their glasses clanked and they sipped from them “Oh nice, nice, mister”

“You like it?”

“Mm” Martín nodded, already getting his seductive tone out. He didn’t even control it, he was just so used to doing it that it just happened “Are you gonna shower too?” he asked, locking his eyes with his friend’s

“Yes, in a moment” Helsinki was completely oblivious, he just downed his drink and gestured at the small bar in the corner of the living area “There’s more, help yourself”

“I will, big guy” Martín winked at him and took Helsi’s glass to refill it as well “For how long you’re staying?”

“About a week maybe. Ten days, not more, Nairobi will miss me” he smiled softly, getting his things ready for a shower. Martín was wearing his shirt that reached his knees and a fresh pair of boxers, also borrowed from Helsinki. He decided that he just needed to bend in a good moment to show some skin and his glorious ass. 

“I get it” Palermo felt the effect of previous beers and now the drinks on him, his brain already got mushy and disorganized but it only worked in his favor “I will take care of those drinks when you’ll be showering” he giggled, making Helsinki laugh softly. 

What if

He wandered around the apartment, looking outside, touching the furniture and peeking into the bedroom with a huge bed that looked like it could fit four people or even more. Perfect

What if

Martín still haven’t decided whether the idea was good or not but he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly held him back, whether it was him worrying about Helsinki’s heart or maybe his egoistic self being afraid of a heartbreak he wasn’t ready for. Anyway, he had to decide fast because the water just stopped and he could hear Helsi’s voice singing some Serbian tune he used to sing in the Mint.   
He could try, right? After all, it was a decision they both had to make, not only Martín. It could only end with one night and Palermo was very aware of how Helsinki was in bed, the memory from the boat still vivid in his head… Even if they stopped after one night, it would be fine. If it lasted for the whole time Helsinki was here… Palermo could let himself go, let himself forget and act like he really was in love again. It didn’t matter that he didn’t love the man in the bathroom – they both knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t about love, with Martín it was about pretending and he was pretty good at it. He also craved affection he never got with his one-night stands, and he was certain Helsinki will melt him completely with his sweet soul. He basically needed that men because he was affectionate, sweet and gentle and Martín’s battered soul could really use that right now. The only question was whether he deserved all those good things. He really wished he did but… that was a question only Helsinki could answer

_What if…?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you like it so far!


	6. Stay with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's posting two days in the row? Yes, it's me, I was so excited about this one I just couldn't wait, let me know in the comments what you think. Also I'm dedicating this one to all of you who ship Sergio and Martin, I get that and I'm with you haha 🤣
> 
> THERE'S A FLASHBACK (and it's juicy and soft and full of love)! It's also long! ...and there's also slight, very slight Palermo/Helsinki - that's the chapter you're about to read 😁
> 
> Enjoy! ❤️
> 
> [song : Sam Smith - Stay With Me]

When Helsinki got out of the shower, he didn’t even have time to say anything because Martín approached him, gracefully wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him deeply with his eyelashes fluttering. The kiss was reciprocated almost immediately and Helsinki’s big palms rested on the small of Palermo’s back, pulling him closer. He felt so small in comparison to Helsinki and that somehow gave him a weird sense of safety. 

“Wait, wait, wait” Helsi pulled away with a puzzled look on his face “You… changed your mind?”

“I…” Martín gasped “You’re not staying for long and God only knows if we’ll ever see each other again… And I thought that… We could have… Maybe an ersatz of love, a passionate but short romance… What do you say?” he touched his cheek, silent plea in his eyes “This ain’t love, it’s clear and I know it will never work but…”

“Come here” Helsinki pulled him for another kiss and Martín allowed himself to sink in it, to just let go, destroy his walls, let his guard down and just let somebody else touch his poor, broken heart. As he imagined, it was easy and Helsinki knew exactly how to handle Palermo with care but also with passion. They started kissing deeper, more urgent and when he was lifted up, Martín immediately wrapped his legs around Helsi’s hips, kissing his neck and jaw and smiling softly. 

They were going for long hours, faster and slower, loud and silent, passionately and lazily and Martín felt whole again. In the arms of somebody he could never love, he felt whole and he never wanted to let go of that feeling. 

This time he stayed the night, he didn’t dare going anywhere but to the bathroom and he slept through the whole night without anything troubling him. It was truly a blessing he didn’t expect to receive. In the morning, Helsinki kept caressing Martín’s disheveled hair and placing butterfly kisses on his face and Palermo found shelter in his embrace, hints of happiness and hope filling his heart slowly. It was the only decision he made and didn’t regret in a long time

“I’m not surprised you managed to make Andrés fall in love with you” Helsi whispered, breaking Martín’s half-sleep state he was in for quite a while now 

“What?” he brought his eyes up on him “Why?”

“Because you have a really good heart, Martín, even if you don’t think so” their lips linked in a soft kiss and Palermo made it linger for longer, blinking away the tears that appeared in his eyes 

“I don’t. I really don’t, Helsi” he shook his head, wiping his face and trying to bring back the look of a heartless bastard he’s been for the last months with his other partners

“Don’t” Mirko said tenderly, seeing right through him “Don’t do that, you don’t need to” 

“I have to” Palermo sniffled, his sight blurred still “It’s the only way I won’t be hurt again. I need people to treat me roughly, like an object, I need my heart out of this… It’s shattered enough” he attempted to roll out of bed, but Helsinki grabbed his forearm and stopped him 

“Can’t you give me even this tiny bit of trust? Hm?” 

“I think I made a mistake, I’m sorry, I was tipsy last night and… And I didn’t think, forget it” he wiggled out of Helsi’s grip and started looking for his clothes, trying to bring back his guard desperately. His lower lip was trembling as he was putting on his shirt and he was well-aware that Helsinki wouldn’t try to stop him. Just like the last time, only this time Martín chose to walk away, he wasn’t forced. His whole self was longing to just turn around and fall right back into his friend’s embrace and stay in bed the whole week, fucking and sleeping and just being with each other but no. He couldn’t. He was silently sobbing when he was putting on his shoes, feeling like a wreckage more than usually. He didn’t dare to turn around to look Helsinki in his eyes, he just couldn’t

“Martín” he heard and a quiet sob escaped his lips, shaking his whole body 

“Please don’t”

“You don’t really want to leave” he heard him shift on the bed “And you don’t need to leave” 

“Helsinki…”

“Why can’t you let somebody else care for your heart for once? You let Sergio close but I bet you don’t confide in him enough to pour your heart out. I get it, Palermo, I totally get it. You’re terrified. I don’t need you to talk to me about Andrés…” at the sound of the name Martín’s heart squeezed painfully “…but you can let me be close and you can cry, scream, whatever. I was the one who pulled you out of that tunnel and I fucked you until you passed out on that boat, believe me, I saw you at your worst. Your broken ass doesn’t scare me at all. If you think, Palermo, that you’re going to push me away like that…” he stood right behind Martín and Martín’s eyes slipped shut “…then you’re very wrong. If there’s one thing that doesn’t scare me it’s your broken heart”

“Because your fat ass is in love with me?” Palermo turned around, his eyes ice-cold “Pathetic”

“You won’t scare me off”

“You think we fucked twice and now we’re going to be sharing secrets like teenage girls?”

“Stop it”

Martín’s face winced at the softness in Helsinki’s voice. It was something he wasn’t used to anymore “I’m leaving”

“You’ve been leaving for couple of minutes now”

“You’re that desperate? Really?” Palermo tried to laugh but only a small, broken sob escaped his lips and he didn’t move when Helsinki touched his face, what’s more, he leaned to the touch 

“Done? You finished?” he was so calm it was pissing Martín off but he just couldn’t get himself to be mad anymore. He only nodded, looking away “Good, get ready, we’re going for breakfast and then you could use some clothes that actually fit you”

They didn’t talk much for most of the day, Martín being deep in his thoughts all the time and Helsinki making sure he felt safe and decently happy. As they were sitting in his hotel room late in the evening after watching a movie at the cinema, Palermo finally felt courageous enough to speak

“I’m sorry for the morning”

“I know you are” Helsinki smiled at him “No bad blood between us”

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t love him that much” he whispered, looking at the window “Because then maybe I would be able to be happy with somebody else…”

“Don’t blame yourself for that, this is the kind of love everyone dreams of these days”

“Unfortunate when the love of your life is dead, right?” Martín looked at him finally and shrugged “I have troubles saying his name, Helsinki. I can’t look at the photos. I can’t touch any plans for robberies we made together. Nothing, _nada_ ”

“It’s not even been a year… Give yourself some time”

“At the beginning… I didn’t want to live. At all. I had troubles breathing without him by my side and I was high on opiates for days after we escaped with Sergio… Days, Helsinki. Then breathing was easier but… There was this hole inside me, big hole that kept swallowing me from the inside. The only thing that kept me sane was the letter An… he left me. He wrote it the night before the heist” he smiled sadly “I know it by heart now but I haven’t touched it in three months, maybe more. Then I ran from Sergio and from there, everything went to hell. I started drinking, smoking, I had couple episodes with drugs, I had a new partner every single night… I don’t remember much from it… And then I almost killed myself on my birthday” he cleared his throat, shame overwhelming him so to hide it, he got up to take a cigarette and lit in, inhaling some smoke “Sergio found me before I… yeah. And here I am now. He’s convinced I’m getting better and well, I am a bit… But I’m far from okay, Helsinki. I may not wake up every hour from a nightmare, I am able to eat actual food without a gag reflex, I am well enough to joke around… But the hole inside me isn’t smaller, it didn’t disappear. It’s very much there and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know if it will ever go away. I don’t know. And you… you were right. I’m terrified. I’m terrified because I don’t know how to live without him, how to live my life with that hole inside me, with this scary black hole that keeps eating up every good feeling I try to have. The moment I feel that someone cares, I run. Sergio is an exception because Sergio simply… cannot fall for me. He’s the person I trust enough to let him nurse me but not enough to tell him everything that’s on my heart, I’m still furious at him, because he’s the reason An… you know who is dead. He’s not really, but… He could do something to avoid it”

“Aren’t you really mad at Andrés?” Helsinki asked, lighting up his own cig “Because after all… He closed the vault, Martín. He left you behind that door and decided you didn’t deserve to die. He made the decision for you and maybe, just maybe… This is what’s pissing you off”

Palermo went silent, his look puzzled “Oh”

“You never gave it much thought, hm?”

“I…” Martín let out a shaky breath, feeling his whole world breaking right in front of him “No, no, no… No, I don’t… I can’t…” there was a painfully familiar squeezing in his chest that he knew very well “Helsinki… I can’t breathe…” he coughed, placing a hand on his chest, trying to catch some air and throw away the thought from his head. He felt Helsi taking the cigarette from him and hugging him gently but it didn’t ease the pain in his lungs. He started wheezing desperately and his eyes filled with tears

_“Don’t look back”_

“Martín, you have to breathe. Do you hear me?”

His eyes felt like filled with cotton and his head already started spinning from the lack of oxygen, he was overflowing through Helsinki’s hands like liquid

_“Run, Martín, run when you still can!”_

He happily welcomed the darkness that fell upon him like a heavy blanket

When he came back to his senses, he felt something cold and heavy on his eyelids and he recognized he was laying down. He took a sharp breath and rubbed his face, getting rid of what turned out to be a wet cloth on his eyes. He blinked couple of times and looked around finding himself in the bed with the morning light peeking through the curtains. Helsinki wasn’t there but Martín could hear him at the door, talking to someone. His head was pounding but overall, he felt fine and he couldn’t really remember what happened.

Helsinki came back with a tray full of food he probably ordered to their room “Morning, you came back from the dead I see”

“What happened?” Palermo winced, massaging his temple

“You passed out and apparently went straight into sleep so I left you be” Helsi looked at him “Coffee?”

“Please” Martín happily accepted the cup and sipped from it “I had… a panic attack, I guess. I used to have them… long time ago”

“I figured… I almost called 911, you looked like you were suffocating”

“I was” Palermo snatched a toast from the tray “It just… I was probably overwhelmed”

“Do you happen to remember what caused it?”

“Not really and please, don’t remind me” 

“Sure” they started eating in silence, Martín slow and careful with every bite but he managed to finish his entire plate which honestly made him very proud “Does that happen a lot?” Helsinki finally asked

“It used to happen quite often… Before we got together with An… yeah. Then it stopped, until now. It’s not your fault, it was apparently a heavy trigger, it’s okay” Palermo sent him a smile “I’m fine”

“You scared the shit out of me” he admitted, finishing his cup of coffee and looking at Martín “I thought you were dying”

“Not so soon” Martín joked, shaking his head “I hope I fainted with at least a little bit of grace”

“Indeed” they both laughed and then Palermo got up to brush his teeth and get dressed, seeing that Helsinki had already done that. He didn’t feel strong enough to do much today but he doubted his friend would mind. When he got out of the bathroom the empty tray was gone and Helsinki was sitting on the bed, turning on the radio for some music 

“Morning fuck?” he murmured into his ear, standing right behind him “I’m in the mood”

“Oh, you are?” Helsinki smirked at him, pinning him down to the mattress “Let’s make use of it”

And this is how it went for the next few days – they would go out during the day acting like best friends and then later in the night, tangled in the sheets, they were lovers until the morning came and they were back to casual. It worked for both of them and Martín was surprised how easy it was to fall into a routine with someone. They didn’t click with Helsinki like they did with Andrés but it didn’t matter, what they had was enough. 

The last day of Helsinki’s visit, they decided on a fancy dinner with Sergio so they could catch up to. Sergio couldn’t help but wonder how things were between them and whether his plan worked or not. When he reached the restaurant and met with the pair, he already had his answer. Martín looked like a blossoming flower, he was smiling and laughing and he could spot a tiny bit of affection in his eyes. Exactly like it was supposed to happen “Helsinki!” Sergio approached him and let himself be crushed by the bigger guy 

“Professor!” the hug was tight but careful “I missed you!”

“I missed you too” Sergio smiled at him and moved to Martín, embracing him and whispering “You look happy”

“Shh” Martín scoffed, gesturing at the table they chose. It was outside, partly for safety, partly due to the beautiful weather. He let his thoughts wander when Helsinki and Sergio were catching up, joking and listening to each other. He was thinking about Andrés, about his beautiful smile and his love for fancy places, just like this one. He would like Switzerland, Martín was sure. It was surprisingly easy to lead his mind into that direction, almost pleasant to be thinking about how Andrés would try the most expensive wine the restaurant offered and wince his nose, saying he had better ones in France. Palermo smiled at that. Andrés would talk for hours about architecture and the buildings, he would drag Martín to museums and art galleries and then he would listen to Martín blabber about the aerodynamics and mechatronics and other things that he could spot around them that were about engineering. They just complemented each other that well. Some days Palermo would ask Andrés about that particular painting and why exactly two lines and a dot was almost as expensive as Mona Lisa, or how would he explain people’s love for the particular pattern on the walls, or he would criticise a play they saw and Andrés would scoff him for hours and try to argue why Martín was completely wrong. There were also days when it was Andrés who asked – how was that possible that a Tesla could be charged completely in only 20 minutes, how did that bridge still stood being a thousand years old and looking very unstable, why it was possible to break into the vault with gold in _Banco De España_. They learned from each other and liked listening to the other one talking. They fit together. Two apple halves. Bonnie and Clyde. 

“Palermo” he was snapped out of his head by the Professor and he looked at him, lost in the conversation completely

“Hm?”

“We asked you if you want wine or beer?”

“Wine, thank you” he nodded and let his thought wander once again

_“One day I will paint a map of your body” Andrés murmured, placing kisses on Martín’s stomach and hips_

_“Mm… Is that so?” Palermo lazily opened one eye and smiled at the tenderness_

_“Yes. With every detail… For example…” he parted Martín’s legs and kissed his left inner thigh “The mole you have right here”_

_Martín smiled_

_“Or another one… here”_

_Now he gasped_

_“But I think this deserves the greatest skill to immortalize” another kiss and Palermo couldn’t help but to moan. It’s been going for at least an hour now and he felt like he was made out of pure, liquid gold_

_“Andrés…” his fingers slipped into Berlín’s hair, gently, only holding “Please…”_

_“I will paint every curve… every line… every single thing you have” he kept whispering, placing wet kisses between Martín’s legs and making him pant loudly “Would you let me?”_

_“Yes…” Palermo gasped, not sure if he was saying yes to a painting or yes to finally get Andrés’ mouth on him “Go on, love… It’s been forever…”_

_“Haven’t I been teaching you patience?” Andrés pulled himself up and smirked when Martín’s head fell back onto the pillow, an irritated grunt escaping his lips “Don’t be like that, Martín” he linked their lips for a short but deep kiss “We’re making art and art takes time”_

_“If you’re going to keep it up, we might not make it till the day the gang comes… Oh…” his eyes rolled back in pleasure when Andrés kissed a very sensitive spot behind his ear. His kisses were everywhere and Martín was melting, falling apart into particles in his skilled hands_

_“Look how sensitive you are, cariño” Andrés whispered and Martín couldn’t help but to moan. He indeed was, after an hour of on and off stimulation he felt even the slightest feather-like touch and it was a whole another level. Andrés liked doing new things to Martín and Martín was more than eager to participate in his experiments “You’re beautiful like this” he let go of him and gracefully got off the bed, his naked body looking like a sculpture in the morning light. Palermo couldn’t focus on what his lover was doing but he didn’t care as long as he was planning on coming back to him “Close your eyes, Martín” Andrés whispered and Martín of course did. He felt the bed shifting and he parted his lips in a loud gasp when something cold and wet touched his neck. His lashes fluttered but Andrés put a hand over them and kept it there so Palermo wouldn’t peek “Do not open or I’ll stop” he warned him and slowly let go of Martín’s face. Martín pulled the sheets he felt next to him and covered the top part of his face so he wasn’t tempted to open his eyes_

_“I won’t” he promised and arched his back when he felt the cold sensation going onto his chest and circling his nipples “W… oh my Lord… what are you doing?”_

_“Art” he heard Andrés smiling “I told you, I’m a painter” there was now another cold spot on his skin and Martín realized they were ice-cubes that melted pretty fast at the contact with his burning body “Breathe into it…”_

_“I feel like… I’m floating…” Martín let out a muffled groan when the sensation moved onto his navel_

_“Good” Andrés’ lips followed the trace of the cube in tiny pepper-kisses “Give me all the control, Martín, just like that”_

_His whole body was relaxed and he couldn’t even raise his head, it was like all of his muscles decided to give up and it was so pleasant he wanted to cry “Please…”_

_“Yes… Beautiful” Berlín apparently took a fresh ice-cube into his mouth because suddenly Martín could feel both his lips and the stinging cold on the insides of his thighs and a promise of an orgasm started to feel very real._

_“Andrés… Andr… Oh… Oh, Dios mio…” finally there were lips closed around him and Palermo’s body arched beautifully in a sudden wave of pleasure. Berlín’s mouth was cold and it made Martín feel things he couldn’t even imagine before “I love you s… ah… so much…”_

_“You thought you were going to come, corazón?” Andrés let go of him with a quiet pop and came back to kissing his abdomen and licking some patterns there “I told you before, you have to enjoy the process as much as you’d enjoy the outcome” he tutted quietly “We can stop anytime… but you will have to finish yourself”_

_“No…” Martín shook his head, grabbing a handful of Andrés’ hair “Please continue…”_

_“Good boy” Berlín kissed his way back to Martín’s lips and captured them in a deep, filthy kiss that sent shivers down Palermo’s spine “You need to learn to obey me… For the Mint…”_

_“Mmm” Martín moaned, raising his head and chasing his mouth. Andrés grinned at that and took his sleep mask from the bedside table, putting it on Martín_

_“I remember I said something about keeping those beautiful eyes closed, didn’t I?”_

_“Yes…”_

_“Well, then this is how it’s gonna be” he rolled Palermo onto his stomach, kissed the nape of his neck and trailed his tongue down his spine, eliciting tiny groans from him “You’re so beautiful… Perfect even” he held Martín down when his hips started moving on the mattress “Especially when you’re desperate” he straddled his hips and rocked gently, pressing his crotch to Martín’s bottom_

_“Fuck…” Martín moaned loudly, pushing back immediately_

_“Language” Andrés reminded him calmly while getting off of him and moving him back to the previous position “We’re going to play a little game. I tell you a number and you count backwards, just like the clock you can hear, hm?”_

_“O… Okay” Palermo nodded, trembling with anticipation when Berlín positioned himself between his legs “When?”_

_“You’ll know when. Your number is twenty” Andrés answered and closed his lips on him, relaxing his jaw. Martín’s back arched and he started counting with shaky voice_

_“Tw…enty… Nine…teen… eighteen…” when he got to the last digits, he was barely breathing “T…t…two… Oh… One…” when he hit zero, Berlín let go of him, both of them panting heavily_

_“Perfect, cariño, amazing” Andrés rewarded him with a sweet kiss and a caress to his face “How was it?”_

_“Intense” Martín admitted, swallowing harshly, his lips dry_

_“Martín” he heard Andrés clicking his tongue “It won’t work if you’re not comfortable and don’t tell me about it” Palermo felt a bottle being pressed to his lips so he greedily took couple of big sips and sighed softly “Better?”_

_“Yes. Thank you”_

_“You tell me about everything you need, okay?”_

_“Okay” he reached for Andrés and purred happily when he got him inside his arms and could kiss him “I’m ready for more”_

_“Good. Twenty again or you need me to go easier on you?”_

_“Twenty”_

_“Alright”_

_After four more times, Martín couldn’t go beyond ten and was trembling uncontrollably, edged to oblivious and out of breath. He gladly accepted a break and Andrés laying next to him and caressing his leg lazily. Not like he could see that, of course, but he felt it_

_“Andrés?” he panted, turning his head in his direction_

_“Yes, corazón?”_

_“I really need to come. Really”_

_“I know” his voice was too calm for this_

_“Please”_

_“Just a little bit longer, Martín, a tiny bit” he leaned to kiss him and Palermo smiled into it_

_“I want to come in your mouth” he murmured, gasping at the thought. He was met with silence and he wasn’t sure what to think of it “Andrés?”_

_“Alright”_

_“Wait, really? You never let me…”_

_“Really. You agreed to my play, I will agree to yours”_

_“I’m ready then”_

_“Hm” Berlín hummed and moved to hover above his partner to start kissing his neck again, causing Palermo to wriggle at the bed, desperate and needy_

_“Please… Please, Andrés, por favor…”_

_Andrés’ mouth was already on his abdomen and he knew that this time there was going to be a happy ending. He tried to not buck his hips up but he couldn’t stop his hand grabbing Berlín’s hair as he was placing kisses at Martín’s neglected length_

_“Yes, yes, yes, please…” he was positive he could come just from the kisses but Berlín delivered him, oh how he delivered. His tongue was doing miracles and twirled in such way, Martín’s brain shut off and he wasn’t controlling his moans anymore “Andr… oh… Andrés… I’m going to… I’m… Mmm…” he was panting heavily, shaking all over and feeling his orgasm coiling in his abdomen, wild and overwhelming “Don’t stop now, please… Don’t… Ah… AH” the moment his climax hit him was like the Big Bang happened once again and shattered everything. His whole body trembled in a huge wave of pleasure, his mouth fell open in a loud scream and his hips buckled forward to feel more of Andrés’ mouth on him for a bit longer. He was convulsing and crying out in delight and he didn’t notice when the mask came off and Andrés was kissing him, the salty taste lingering on his tongue but it only spiced up the whole situation_

_“You were so good, Martín, so good for me” Berlín whispered, caressing his sweaty hair and smiling widely “So beautiful”_

_“I love you” Palermo managed to whisper, a huge grin on his face, his whole body in post-orgasmic state_

_“Me or the orgasms?” Andrés mocked him, raising his brow with a smirk_

_“Well, both” Martín’s head laid on Andrés’ chest and he relaxed, exhausted and on a cloud nine “That was… extraterrestrial”_

_“I really wanted you to enjoy it so then I’m glad you did” their fingers laced and Berlín kissed Martín’s knuckles “I love you”_

_“How did I taste like?” Palermo murmured, already half-asleep. He heard Andrés laughing softly and kissing the top of his head, but he didn’t really hear the answer. He could just assume his lover liked it as much as Martín did, and that probably was true._

“Martín! For fuck’s sake…” Sergio hit his arm gently and Martín realized he got lost in thoughts again

“I’m sorry” he shook his head, hiding his smile “I was just…”

“Thinking about Andrés, I know” Professor pointed at the table “Our food’s here”

“Great” Martín started eating just like they did, still smiling and this time participating actively in a conversation. He felt at ease and his heart wasn’t squeezing at least for now, which was a nice change. He was sad that Helsinki had to leave but he felt refreshed and it was the first moment when he had a flashback with Andrés and he didn’t immediately push it out of his head but dived right in.  
When they finished their dinner and drinks it was time for goodbyes. Sergio hugged Helsinki tightly and then stepped back, giving Palermo a tiny bit of space and privacy 

“Big guy” Martín smiled sadly, placing his hands on his hips 

“Palermo” he winked at him and opened his arms “Come on”

Martín put himself on tiptoes and wrapped his hands around Helsinki’s neck, placing a chaste kiss on his lips “Thank you for everything, Mirko” he whispered, looking him in the eyes without a hint of hesitation

“Thank you for trusting me” he squeezed Palermo’s ass playfully and they both giggled, hearing Sergio grunt quietly “We won’t be in touch but I bet I’ll see you again one day”

“Of course, you will. Say hi to Nairobi and thank her for taking care of me on the boat, hm?”

“Alright, alright” Helsinki nodded and kissed Palermo once again “Be safe, Martín. Take good care of your heart”

“I will” he nodded and nuzzled his cheek with his nose “I’m sorry, I just… feel safe with you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t”

“Shut up” Helsinki kissed him deeply one last time before finally letting go of Palermo and sending him a smile “Take care, Palermo”

“Take care” Martín watched him leave until Sergio put a hand on his arm

“Ready to go?”

“Yes” Martín nodded and turned to look at his friend “Sergio, uhm… Can we talk about Andrés?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you like the flashback? 🥺❤️


	7. Wake me up when October ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm coming with a long-ass beast today, just to let you know what's coming: 2009, my queen finally appears, sweet memories that will make you throw up from all the sugar 
> 
> Enjoy! <3 The next chapter will probably appear monday/tuesday
> 
> [song: Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends]

_Palermo, Buenos Aires, 2009_

_It would never happen if he was actually looking where he was going, not thinking about his ex he had left three months ago. Well, if he was paying attention he would never walk into that restaurant, it was way too exclusive for a guy from a middle-class family. And yet, destiny had its way_

_“Oh!” Martín gasped, bumping into a guy in a suit, looking sleek and fancy. He immediately felt small “I’m so sorry, I just… I was just leaving, I…”_

_“It’s alright” the guy smiled, bending down only to pick up a wallet “I believe it belongs to you…” the stranger opened it and read his ID “…Martín Berrote”_

_“That’s… my name” he answered stupidly, taking the wallet and drowning in the guy’s eyes, feeling his heart skip a beat_

_“I hope so” the stranger laughed softly “Andrés de Fonollosa” they shook hands firmly, like businessmen but with a dose of playfulness “Are you a local?”_

_“Yes, actually… Yes” Martín nodded, contemplating the way the name matched the guy perfectly_

_“Perfect. How about you join me for dinner and tell me what’s worth seeing here, hm?”_

_“I don’t really…”_

_“Don’t worry, I’m paying” he took Martín’s forearm and pulled him towards the table, already engaging him in the conversation “So tell me, Martín, what’s interesting in Palermo?”_

_Martín talked then – he told him about the museums, fun places, galleries, beaches and whatever he could think of that could be interesting for Andrés. He got carried away while talking about one of the museums, because Andrés interrupted him, clearly amused_

_“You’re an engineer?”_

_Martín just stopped and his jaw landed on the floor “H… How do you…”_

_“You’ve been explaining to me how some machine works for five minutes straight and it’s hard not to notice your Argentinian passion… Cause you’re an Argentinian, I can hear your beautiful accent”_

_“Correct” Martín nodded “And I can hear that you’re from Spain. I hope you can understand me with no trouble”_

_“I can, thank you for caring about that. You didn’t answer my question”_

_“Wh… Oh! Engineering. Yes, I’ve been to Universidad de Palermo, it’s a…” he waved his hand and sighed “Private school”_

_“Debts?” Andrés raised his brow_

_“Nah, my father paid for it so now he rarely talks to me” Martín rolled his eyes “Guess I’m his disappointment”_

_“Why?”_

_“I finished couple of years ago and I still don’t work as an engineer as he would want. I just take what’s available, you would be surprised what’s out there”_

_“You’re bitter”_

_“Of course I am, you put everything you have into studying and then you can’t find a job anywhere”_

_Andrés nodded slowly “You ever tried outside of Palermo?”_

_“Not really. Living in Buenos Aires is rather expensive and I can’t afford an apartment or anything, which sucks, but basically I still live at home”_

_“And how old are you?”_

_“30 in less than a month” Martín looked away. He felt ashamed with his cheap shirt, dirty shoes and living with his father “Don’t judge me, although I’m pretty sure you already have”_

_“Would you be my guide for the time I spend here?” Andrés just asked, picking up two menus and handing Martín one “You intrigue me, Martín”_

_“I’m not interesting at all” he chuckled nervously, but Andrés nudged his hand with his menu so he looked up_

_“I’m good with reading people, Martín. I believe it’s not a coincidence we met in the middle of San Martín and San Andrés, don’t you think?” he pointed outside at a sign that was on one of the buildings. Martín’s breath hitched and he giggled softly_

_“That shit only happens I movies!”  
“Language, Martín” Andrés smiled at him, wondering what to order and which wine would be a good match for that. _

_The first day they spent together he bought Martín a nice, expensive shirt and took him to one of the galleries Martín told him about the day before. He talked to him about paintings, sculptures and music and found the other man greedily drinking the words from his mouth as if they were gold. He was astonished with the attention he was getting and the passion Martín possessed - that was a very uncommon but very desirable for Andrés trait. He found Martín incredibly smart and creative, a quick learner and a very devoted man and just being around him made this whole trip better._

_If Andrés wasn’t talking, it was him and he could go for hours. Andrés would never guess that anyone can have so much to say, what’s more, things he was saying had an actual meaning and value, they interested Andrés enough to listen to all of them. Martín was special, he knew the second he met him and after being with him for couple of hours, he was sure.  
Martín Berrote was also fun to be around, his jest would come out after some alcohol, as well as his love for dancing and karaoke what was the reason him and Andrés got free drinks the second day of their weird friendship. They clicked like a cocked gun and they were both very aware of it._

_The third day brought an answer to the most important question. They were having lunch in a café when Andrés asked quietly “Have you ever committed a crime?”_

_“What? No!” Martín laughed quietly “Why are you whispering?”_

_“How do you feel about possessing some gold and diamonds?”_

_“W…what?” he looked confused but also intrigued. Andrés looked around and placed his hand on Martín’s, making him jump slightly. Poor boy_

_“What if I told you that I know a way to get some beautiful stones but the only thing I need is someone to disable the security?”_

_“I…” Martín looked at their hands and smiled widely “I would ask what’s the system”_

_That’s how Andrés knew he was keeping that boy. He was brilliant and clearly ready to throw everything away and do a robbery with Andrés without hesitation. Hell, he was excited for this. After their first robbery, they got drunk in Andrés’ apartment and danced till the morning, touching the diamonds they so smoothly stole. Martín’s eyes glistened beautifully when he was observing the stones, his lips curled into a smile. Andrés knew he was keeping him._

_He got him a present for his birthday and it was a plane ticket._

_“I would like to invite you to my house” Andrés said after he told him the wishes and kissed both of his cheeks “And then to travel the world with me”_

_“You know me for… what, not even a month” Martín answered, but he was beaming with happiness_

_“Is that a no?” he playfully raised his brow, looking at his new friend_

_“It’s a big, damn yes, Andrés!” Martín’s hands wrapped around his neck and he hugged him tightly “Italy… Wow, I’ve never been outside of Palermo”_

_“I know that. I want to show you art from all around the world… and have you with me so you can teach me all about the security, mechatronics, all that stuff you’re the expert at”_

_“And…” Martín lowered his voice “Will we be stealing again?”_

_“You felt it, didn’t you?” Andrés grinned “You did it and now you want more”_

_“It’s like sex” Martín murmured, leaning forward “Once you start, you never want to stop”_

When Sergio came to their apartment that particular evening, Martín could already tell that something was definitely up. He looked quite nervous in his white suit and baffled Martín when he nervously said “I want you to… behave today” for the last few days he was constantly out and he would come back very late at night, sometimes with disheveled hair, and Martín was almost totally positive he had someone. 

“Behave?” Palermo sit up to put away his bottle with beer and winced when his long-held laying position caused his back to crack “What are you talking about?”

“We have a visitor”

“Mhm” he laid back down, picking up his book once again, uninterested

“Martín, I’m serious. Clean yourself up”

“Sergio… It’s not my visitor so I don’t have to do anything”

“Yes, you do” Sergio sighed nervously “Please”

“Don’t tell me I have to be somewhat social because…” he shook his head “You said you’ll leave me alone for next few days. Don’t you remember? It’s going to be a year in three days” his voice broke so he quickly put the beer to his lips to hide it

“Of course I remember, don’t make me a heartless bastard, I just asked you to put on something nice and brush your teeth. Just that”

“I’m busy” Palermo murmured but Sergio threw the book from his hand and hit his head with it

“Go!”

“Jesus Christ, fine!” Martín scoffed, completely offended “I’m going to report assault”

“I bet” Professor rolled his eyes watching Palermo disappear in his bedroom. He was nervous to the bone and he wasn’t sure if that was an entirely good idea but it was too late because there Martín was, in a thin, white linen shirt, his hair combed 

“Good enough?” he asked ironically, spinning around 

“Yes, yes, of course” Sergio nodded “Let’s go outside?”

“What are you doing, Sergio?” Martín was suspicious but he followed his friend out of their apartment and to the beautiful, small garden in the back, filled with flowers and lemon trees. He had to admit that Sergio’s choice of a place to live was remarkable every time and he probably got his taste after his older brother, even if it wasn’t quite as posh. 

When Martín spotted the person standing in between the trees, dressed in white, he stopped in his tracks and shook his head 

“No way” he immediately turned around, hiding his face “Are you out of your mind, Sergio?!” his blood boiled with anger but Sergio placed his hand on his arm and gently pulled him back 

“Palermo, calm down. This is Raquel and she’s on our side, don’t you worry” he looked nervous and Martín felt weird satisfaction creeping his way to his heart 

“So you fuck a bitch responsible for having three of our people dead?” he crossed his arms on his chest, sending her a hatred look

“So you fucked that psychopath who was one of the reasons I lost my career?” Raquel answered in the same tone, clearly not offended at all 

“Fair enough” Martín shrugged and looked at Sergio “Thanks for this shitty pleasure, have fun”

“Martín…” Sergio pleaded quietly, grabbing his forearm “Please…”

“This is your way of spending the first anniversary of your brother’s death?! Fucking a traitor?” Palermo’s voice trembled with anger “And what’s more, pulling me into it? Fuck you, _mierda_!” he turned around and furiously went back inside the apartment, shutting the door with all the force he had. Sergio closed his eyes and lowered his head, ashamed and humiliated 

“Hey” he felt Raquel’s hand on his cheek “Nothing happened, really. I wasn’t expecting him to jump into my arms, praising my name” she took Sergio’s hands and wrapped them around her waist “Don’t go so hard on him, especially around that time. You see, people can grieve for four months, eight, a year or even two. They can shift, you think they’re alright but then something triggers them and they fall right back into the depths of despair. If it’s a first anniversary, don’t expect him to be cheerful and all of that. Besides, he doesn’t have to like me”

“I want him to like you” Sergio linked their foreheads and breathed in Raquel’s fresh scent “I want him to feel okay and I don’t know how to help him”

“That only means I saved your ass” she smiled, caressing his hair “Tell me about him, what he likes, I’m going to play doctor Murillo”

“He… what he likes or what he used to like? Because that’s two different things”

“What does he do in his free time?”

“He reads a lot. Listens to music. Watches movies. Drinks occasionally. Stares at the sea. Not much” he sighed “I managed to fix him a lot, he was a wreck as I told you already, but… It’s not the Martín I used to know”

“Sergio, he saw the love of his life dying. That scars people, even those as strong as Martín” 

“Can you help him?”

“Only if he wants my help” Raquel leaned her head on Sergio’s chest and embraced him tighter “He needs time”

“We all do I think”

Since that moment Martín ignored Raquel as much as he could, and every time they had a chance of bumping into each other, he would go somewhere else or close the door. He didn’t want to see her or talk to her, God forbid. Tomorrow was the day that scared the crap out of him and he wasn’t ready at all, especially with this bitch here. He wasn’t ready for relieving the painful memories one by one, he was already suffocating in the apartment and he knew he needed to escape.

The night before was horrible. After waking up from a nightmare three times, around two am he decided not to go back to sleep. Instead he pulled out a bottle of tequila (one of three he purchased) prepared especially for this day. No cups or anything, that night called for rough and filthy drinking. He loved rooftops and their whole vibe so that’s where he went, climbing up through the window with ease. The night was hideously warm and weirdly wet, almost sticky, and Martín’s shirt started sticking to his back like a sticker. He sat comfortably and lifted his head, looking at the stars up there. He knew shit about astronomy, but he remembered that Andrés knew few constellations and would often-pin point them out to ‘ignorant bastard, Martín’ when they went out that late. He sipped from the bottle, the alcohol burning his throat. It’s been a while since he’d had something stronger than beer or wine and he winced at the strange sensation. He tried to remember what they were doing with Andrés at two am in the Mint that night, but he couldn’t recall anything. They were probably snuggled safely together in Berlín’s office, sleeping off all the anxiety and stress. The clock was counting their last hours together and it was hard to believe how oblivious Martín was back then. How hopeful and happy that they pulled the heist off. How they had a perfect plan for everything, for the escape. And still.

Another sip burned much less and Martín put away the bottle, not willing to get wasted so soon. The familiar dark hole poked at his heart like a long-lost friend that just came back. Palermo welcomed it with opened arms, after all, the occasion was special enough. 

“Can’t sleep, huh?” he heard someone going through the window he left open and a jingle of two bottles “It’s like being in a wet oven, holy fuck” Raquel wiped her forehead, approaching Martín and handing him the cold beer “May I?”

“You’re not invited to my despair party” Martín mumbled but she didn’t care at all, sitting next to him and letting her feet dangle just like his 

“I am now. Is it tequila? Come on, it’s too hot for that now, leave it for the morning” she opened her beer and sipped from it, sending Martín a look “I’m not your enemy”

“I’m not in the mood to argue about that now”

“And that’s just completely okay” she sighed “Look, I don’t want to sound like a bitch or whatever, but I’m a psychologist and I understand you way more than Sergio could ever”

“You’re police”

“And psychologist. Boom” she opened the beer for him and handed him the bottle “Come on, cheers to the smoothest fucker in the universe who’s probably making stars his bitches now” 

Her comment managed to make Martín let out a soft laugh “Cheers” he hit her bottle gently with his and they were silent for a moment, sipping the cold beer “Why are you awake?”

“I can’t stand the weather” she scoffed “25 degrees Celsius in the night?”

“Exactly” Martín nodded “And Sergio is probably like a huge oven”

“You’re not wrong” Raquel made a face “So, it’s been a year, hm?”

“I can’t… wrap my head around it” Palermo took a deep, shaky breath “The days are slipping through my fingers. Like sand. Or like water”

“You seem to be doing quite decent”

“I guess. I don’t know. I have unhealthy coping mechanisms - I drink and smoke and fuck until I pass out”

“I’m not surprised, after what you’ve been through…” she made a pause “I’m sorry, Martín. For Andrés. I didn’t make the command to go in”

“I know that” he nodded “You know that I’m an engineer, right? That I counted everything million times and prepared me and him for every possible option? That I created a plan Argentina that would work and he would be alive now if he only listened to me and did what was in the plan?”

“I’m sorry”

“I sometimes wonder if… If maybe he didn’t love me at all and it was an opportunity to get rid of me. He knew I wouldn’t leave so… he did” Martín whispered, hiding his face between his knees. He had never said it out loud and he wasn’t sure why he decided to do this now, but it happened. 

“You really believe that?” Raquel shook her head with perplex in her voice 

“No… Maybe” 

“I doubt it”

“It’s an option” he leaned forward so he was looking down at the garden. They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, sipping their beers, both lost in thoughts. Raquel was wondering what could be happening in that smart head of his, what he really thought right now, behind this façade of a heartless motherfucker he so desperately tried to hold. She decided to risk and moved a little closer to him, ready to ask a question, but he went first.

“You know, sometimes only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated" Martín whispered, suddenly feeling Raquel's hand on his shaking arm "And the irony is that this exact person is the only one I need to talk to, to get better"

"Tell me about him. But not the nasty stuff, no. Tell me how you spent the time preparing for the heist and how good of a team you were in the Mint. Tell me the things that were marvelous and remarkable. The ones you want to remember"

"This is a long story"

"It's not like we're going somewhere anytime soon, no?"

_The second they met with the other members of the gang, they were strangers. No looks, no flirting, nothing. Two strangers who had no history between them. Their team was the most random jumble of people Martín had ever seen and he couldn’t wait to interact with them, to maybe form some friendships, and most importantly – till he could act out his attraction towards Andrés. When the whole group entered the house in Toledo, he faked being amazed and managed to catch Andrés’ amused half-smile. They helped with preparations for this house so nothing here was new to them, they knew every single inch of the space and yet, they were pretty convincing with their reactions. Professor arranged a welcome class immediately and Palermo made sure to sit right behind Berlín, so he could look at him shamelessly._

_“Welcome” Sergio both said and wrote on a blackboard. They went through the most important rules and then they got to the city name choosing. When Berlín looked around presenting his own, the look he sent Martín made his blood boil. It lasted for a split second but was enough to make Martín burn with want. Palermo decided that two could play that game and saying his chosen name, he spoke in the thickest Argentinian accent he could, eliciting a variety of reactions such as laughter, smiles and Berlín’s eyes piercing his_

_“Sudaca” he heard someone say and slowly turned around, spotting Denver and wincing at his already annoying laughter_

_“A piece of garbage and a racist, congratulations” Palermo answered ironically “Nice to meet you too” a couple of them laughed but Professor quickly silenced them, allowing the rest to say their names._

_And there was the whole gang:_

_Tokyo – she was clearly nuts and Palermo was right, she looked like a slut. If he had to guess she would be the first to break the “no relationships” rule and she looked like trouble. They were hesitating for long whether they should include her or not, but Sergio pressed and eventually they agreed._

_Rio – he already had eyes on Tokyo so there was out first couple, Palermo thought. He was the youngest and looked like a kid but he was a killer if it came to hacking so they really needed someone like him in the team._

_Nairobi – beautiful and fierce, she looked like someone Martín could get along with. She had a role of keeping track of the money printing, inspecting their quality, so on. She had a nice wit and laughed a lot._

_Denver – he was annoying with his laughter and Palermo found him pretty dumb, he wasn’t sure why they even took him, apart from the fact he was Moscow’s son, he wasn’t specialized in anything specific. He could be fun to hang out though._

_Moscow - Moscow was their gate to freedom as he was going to take care of digging the tunnel. He was experienced and Martín knew he was going to do a good job and follow the plan._

_Helsinki – a big teddy-bear who laughed at every single joke, was tall as an oak and had a long beard. He was a soldier and Berlín’s bodyguard; his task was to keep them safe and follow the orders. He eyed Palermo pretty intensely and that could mean only one thing. If Martín ever wanted to make Berlín jealous, he knew where to hit._

_Oslo – there wasn’t much he could say about the guy, only that him and Helsinki were brothers and spoke to each other in Serbian all the time._

_There were also Berlín and Palermo but there was no need to talk about them of course. After their ‘welcome’ class, Professor arranged a fancy dinner so they could get to know each other and warm up the atmosphere. Martín decided that the gang was pretty friendly and he quickly found common ground with Nairobi and Helsinki, talking with them passionately about diamonds. He was successfully ignoring Berlín who mostly kept quiet, whispering with Sergio only from time to time. When they got past a third bottle of wine, the atmosphere loosened up and the table got loud as they were joking around and trying to socialize, knowing they needed trust between them to be successful with the heist. Moscow was the first to retreat to his room, followed by Oslo, then Rio who sent Tokyo a long look from his long lashes, and the conversation shifted. Now, Nairobi and Tokyo were curled up on the chairs next to each other, laughing about something, Sergio and Helsinki started taking apart the concept of shooting a browning and that left Palermo and Berlín without a partner for a talk. Martín smirked at that and he slowly rose from the table, taking his wine glass and moving towards the armchair in from of a fireplace. He didn’t need to wait long until Berlín sat in the other one, moving it slightly closer to him_

_“Palermo”_

_“Berlín” they looked at each other and Martín smiled softly, noticing joyful glimmers in his dark eyes “How do you like the team?” he lowered his voice to a whisper_

_“Pretty good, I would say” Andrés murmured, taking a sip of his wine and closing his eyes for a moment “How are you feeling?”_

_“Inquisitive” Palermo nodded slowly, resting his hand on the armrest and gently brushing Berlín’s that was on his own. They sat close but not close enough to be suspicious “Excited” he smiled “You can’t look at me like you did in class today”_

_“Why so?”_

_“Because I felt it in my whole body”_

_“Shh” Berlín peeked behind their chair but the remaining people were busy talking and drinking “Don’t come to my room tonight”_

_“What?”_

_“Don’t be stupid, Palermo” Berlín looked at him, the fire casting shadow on the half of his face “They will know”_

_“I live next door, nobody will see me”_

_“I think you’re forgetting something” Andrés leaned to him so nobody for sure wouldn’t hear “You moan like a whore” he smirked_

_“I can be quiet” Martín swallowed harshly, staring into the piercing eyes of his lover_

_“No, no you can’t. Don’t argue with me. Not tonight” Berlín leaned backwards, taking a sip of his wine “But if you help me wash the dishes, then maybe you’ll get a reward” he stood up, leaving Martín in the chair alone. Tokyo and Nairobi already collected the dishes and carried them to the kitchen, leaving Palermo and Berlín to their chore of washing them. Martín waited a fair amount of time before following Berlín and closing the kitchen door behind him. He took a sharp breath when Andrés sent him a smile, his hands covered in foam, and gestured for him to come closer. Martín did and wrapped his arms around Berlín’s neck, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips with a soft giggle, gasping when Berlín’s wet hands found their way into his hair. They were perfectly silent, only the sound of their lips moving was heard_

_“You look good in an apron” Martín whispered, placing a kiss on Andrés’ neck and surprisingly making him shiver “Oh, someone’s needy” he smirked, going for couple more_

_“Martín…”_

_“I know, I know” he let go of him and cleared his throat, just in time to not be seen by Sergio entering the room and looking at them with disapproval_

_“Professor” Berlín said calmly, washing the plates while Martín was drying them with a towel_

_“Berlín. Palermo” he immediately spotted Martín’s wet hair and Andrés’ rapid breathing “I hope you remember the rules we set”_

_“Obviously” Palermo nodded with an innocent smile “Don’t you trust us?”_

_“Remember where we are” Sergio murmured, taking a bottle of water “I’m heading to bed and I don’t want to hear any sounds coming from your rooms, is that clear?”_

_“Yes, sir” Andrés just agreed, draining the sink and wiping his hands on the tower Martín was holding “Goodnight”_

_“Goodnight” Professor left the kitchen, not closing the door what made both Berlín and Palermo smile_

_Martín let out a soft giggle “He’s like a chaperon”_

_“More like a pain in the ass”_

_“You’re my pain in the ass”_

_“You’re being obscene” Andrés looked at his partner like a father looks at his son when he does some-thing bad “Loathful”_

_“Such an elegant man, hm?” he rolled his eyes, putting away the last plate “So eloquent and sophisticated, ‘Berlín’ suits you”_

_Berlín approached him slowly, pressing Martín to the counter and grabbing his chin “Do not provoke me, Berrote” he whispered “It won’t end well for you”_

_“Oh really? What are you going to do, punish me?”_

_“Not in the way you’d like”_

_“Kiss me” Palermo demanded, pouting his lips_

_“Once” Berlín sighed, leaning to capture Martín’s mouth in a deep kiss. His arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, making their bodies press together. The risk of getting caught made it twice as exciting and it obviously worked for both of them_

_“I could kiss you somewhere else” Palermo murmured into Andrés’ lips, licking his jaw before placing a kiss there_

_“No, you couldn’t. We’re not in the monastery”_

_“But you love my masterful fellatio”_

_“Of course I do” Berlín grabbed a handful of Martín’s hair “But I’m faithful to Professor’s request and I’m not letting you devour me in the common space”_

_“You also didn’t allow me to do it in the privacy of your bedroom” Palermo’s tongue massaged a very sensitive spot behind Berlín’s ear, making him gasp_

_“To be… safe” his eyes slipped shut and he was a step away from giving in, every one of Palermo’s caresses blending into another, driving him crazy_

_“Nobody will be stupid enough to go to your room in the night. Or at all” Martín gently bit the skin on his jaw, immediately caressing the spot with his tongue “A little bit of slap and tickle never hurt anybody”_

_“Can’t you go couple of days without having sex?”_

_“With you? Never”_

_“You’re an addict”_

_“No, I’m just that into you”_

_“Martín, come on” Andrés found enough control in himself to grab Palermo’s arm and keep him at distance “Have a cold shower and cool down, no?”_

_“You’re the one panting like a whore” Martín smirked, tilting his head to the side_

_“Go to bed”_

_“Not without you getting me off first”_

_“Obscene” Berlín’s eyes did a perfect roll “The answer is no”_

_“You said we’ll be still sleeping with each other in Toledo” Martín crossed his arms, irritated. He went to the fridge to peek inside and pulled out an apple that was just perfectly green for his liking. It was a bit sour just as his mood now_

_“Yes, and we will. But not yet, they will be suspicious. Have you ever seen yourself after sex? You’re glowing like a sun” there was softness and deep intimacy in Andrés’ voice and Martín melted immediately “You walk around with that stupid, sexy smile plastered on your face and you are handsy and we can’t make that happen now. Hold on for a week or so and then fine, you can sleep in my room. Just give us some time to get used to the new reality. And learn to control your reactions, we can’t have that beautiful ray of sunshine blinding everybody, hm?” Berlín kissed his cheek and borrowed his apple, taking a bite and giving it back. Palermo was a puddle of happiness at this point and he looked at him with such adoration that Andrés couldn’t help but kiss him deeply once again “Look at you. You’ll be the death of me with that cheeky grin” another kiss_

_“There’s a reason you love me so much, no?” Martín sent him a loving smile_

_“There’s more than one, cariño” Andrés sighed, lacing their fingers together “There’s at least a hundred”_

_“You have to tell me about them one day”_

_“I will”_

“And this is how it’s started – us being awfully in love, having to hide it from everyone” Martín finished his beer and put the bottle away “It was like a fairy-tale”

“You have the look on your face” Raquel had her head on her knees that were pulled to her chest, ob-serving Martín as he talked 

“What look?”

“Of a schoolboy in love, pure and mesmerizing. I haven’t seen that in forever”

“And Sergio?”

“Sergio is different” she smiled “Not many people find their soulmate, Martín. Consider yourself very lucky”

“Do you want to hear more?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t”


	8. You've got to hide your love away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait but I am extremely busy with college things and I don't want to give you guys an awful, rushed chapters... I hope this one will make it up to you, I'm extremely proud of it, enjoy!
> 
> [song: The Beatles - You've Got To Hide Your Love Away]

_“Have you noticed the funniest love triangle ever?” Tokyo whispered to Nairobi a week after they came to Toledo when they were all (apart from Sergio and Moscow) hanging out in the living area late at the evening_

_“What, Berlín, Palermo and Helsinki?” Nairobi giggled quietly, covering her mouth “It’s hilarious”_

_“I mean Helsinki can’t stop looking at Palermo and the poor bastard is salivating whenever he’s near Berlín. I don’t know for whom I’m sorry the most”_

_“We should all play spin the bottle or something and get them to kiss” Nairobi bit her lip and squeezed Tokyo’s arm, both squeaking quietly_

_“This is the best idea ever, although Berlín has such a long stick in his ass, he would never!”_

_“What if we give a punishment to a person that loses first?”_

_“Brilliant” Tokyo smirked “Let’s try it!”_

_“You’re so eager because you want to see Palermo struggle or you just want to be shamelessly kissing Rio?” Nairobi raised her brow, knowing the answer already_

_“Well” Tokyo laughed and pulled the other woman with her towards the whole group “Attention, please!” she waited until everyone was focused on her and continued “Professor isn’t here so me and Nairobi have a fun game for you”_

_“Spin the bottle!” Nairobi announced, smiling triumphantly_

_“Never” Berlín already stood up with an irritated face, rolling his eyes at the stupidity. Denver and Rio laughed loudly at him, nudging each other and wiggling their brows._

_“There’s a rule” Tokyo’s voice stopped him “Who bails out first, has to wash the dishes after every meal for a week straight” she observed with satisfaction as Berlín quietly retreated at his previous seat with a low sigh “Anybody now knowing the rules?”_

_“Us” Helsinki pointed at him and Oslo_

_“Alright, so basically you spin the bottle and you have to kiss the person the cork lands on. Simple right?”_

_“That’s it? We’re kissing?”_

_“That’s it. And who breaks the circle first gets punished” Tokyo nodded, quickly approaching Palermo and grabbing his arm “Come next to me, cariño”_

_Palermo didn’t protest, he just followed Tokyo, pretty curious about the game and its outcome_

_“Amazing, everybody sits in a circle and I’ll get a bottle” Nairobi finished some wine that’s been on the table and put the bottle on the floor. They sat down, keeping some distance between them so even the people sitting next to each other could get a chance. Somehow Martín ended up having Nairobi on his left and Tokyo on his right, Berlín across the circle with Helsinki and Denver, so the chance the cork lands on them both was pretty high “Now, who will start”_

_“Me” Palermo boldly leaned forward, making the girls giggle joyfully. They hated his sexist attitude but he was fun to be around “Let’s go then” he spinned the bottle and laughed when it landed on Denver “Come on, hermanito” he shamelessly crawled to Denver and placed a chaste but short kiss on his lips, making him laugh in this dumb way of his_

_“I need more vodka to do this” he said, causing everyone to laugh. He stood up and wandered to the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of vodka that started travel from one to another “Okay, now” he spinned and grinned when the cork pointed Tokyo “Mamacita!”_

_“You’re a dumbass” Tokyo rolled her eyes but the kiss they shared was hot and wet and if Nairobi didn’t nudge Tokyo, it would last for much longer. When Tokyo drew Berlín, nobody laughed and a deep silence fell upon them like a curtain. Palermo tensed “Y’all think I’m afraid of kissing the psycho?” she laughed ironically and straddled Berlín’s lap, licking into his mouth. When he wrapped his hands around her hips, Martín felt his heart clench painfully and he couldn’t help himself but to say_

_“It ain’t a porn movie, no?”_

_“You mind?” Tokyo winked at him, letting go of Berlín with grace, sitting back in her previous position and blowing Palermo a kiss_

_“Yes, I do, I just saw you almost orgasm there” Martín pretended to vomit_

_“Loose up your fly” she barked at him, pushing the bottle towards Berlín. His skilled fingers spinned it and for couple beats of his heart he prayed it landed on him. It didn’t._

_“Oh, señor” Nairobi smiled, placing a casual kiss on Berlín’s lips and another one of his cheek “There. Now who’s my treat… Oh, perfect” the bottle stopped on Helsinki and they shared the friendliest kiss Martín had ever seen. He couldn’t shake off the bad aftertaste Berlín’s kiss with Tokyo left in his mind and he was ready to wash the dishes for a week only to not watch that ever again. Berlín was chosen once more, having to kiss Rio which turned out pretty funny as they both made a weird facial expression. Martín laughed. It took couple of turns but it finally picked him and after kissing (ewh) Tokyo quickly and shallowly he closed his eyes and spinned. He knew it stopped when he heard Nairobi gasp and he peeked just to smirk with pride. Finally._

_When he crawled close to Berlín, he already saw his gaze and he felt a wave of warmth traveling south. That kiss right now required tons of control neither of them possessed at this moment, but they had to try. Palermo knew that others were slightly aware of his attraction towards Berlín, he made sure he was subtle about it but also obvious enough so a good observer could spot it easily “Here we go” he whispered, trying to look confident. As soon as their lips linked, Palermo’s control disappeared and he deepened the kiss, slipping his hand into Andrés’ hair. He managed to stifle his moan, but he couldn’t stop a loud gasp that escaped him when Berlín parted his lips so their tongues met. The kiss was filthy, messy and marvelous, making Palermo’s heart beat twice as fast and his breath to shorten. Andrés broke it first, bringing his bitch face back and casually saying_

_“Don’t get your hopes up, amigo”_

_“I can get something else up” Martín snapped back with a smirk, causing Helsinki to laugh loudly and pat his back when he sat back between the girls._

_“That…” Nairobi leaned to him, whispering “…was the hottest kiss I’ve ever seen”_

_“Pure talent” Palermo winked at her, watching as Berlín pecks Oslo’s mouth with unamused expression. They went through couple more rounds and Oslo cracked, saying something to Helsinki and standing up_

_“He’s tired” Helsinki informed them, nodding at his brother and sitting closer to the bottle “Do we continue?”_

_“Why not, spin Helsi” Nairobi handed him the empty bottle. The cork pointed perfectly at Martín and immediately the atmosphere shifted. Tokyo and Nairobi held their breaths in anticipation, Berlín tensed and Helsinki blushed slightly. Palermo smirked, finding this a perfect opportunity for a payback. He waited for Helsinki to come closer and captured his lips in a kiss, making sure to make a wet sound as he deepened it. They haven’t been in bed with Andrés in a week and a half and they rarely had a chance to kiss here in Toledo, so he was frustrated and in desperate need for a bit of slap and tickle. He got brave enough to moan before letting go of Helsinki and playfully brushing his lower lip with his thumb. Everybody cheered but Berlín, who quickly left the circle without a word. Palermo caught a meaningful glace Tokyo and Nairobi exchanged so he quickly gestured for both to lean closer and whispered “What was that look? Hm?”_

_“He left after you kissed Helsi” Nairobi giggled happily “Maybe he’s jealous”_

_“Or he has enough of us” Martín shrugged, vodka making his head spin more and more “Fuck, I’m drunk”_

_“Let’s party” Tokyo stood up and unsteadily approached a radio that stood on the table. She turned it on and some Spanish pop started blasting “Vamos! Let’s dance!” she was quickly grabbed by Rio who embraced her tightly, pulling her into some weird, too-close dance Palermo couldn’t even name. He was pulled up by Nairobi who formed a circle with Denver and Helsinki so they could dance all together, laughing and finishing the bottle of vodka. This was the funniest thing they did so far in Toledo and Martín was really into being disobedient and breaking the rules apparently. They were so focused on dancing that they didn’t notice neither the Professor in a ridiculous pajama set, nor Berlín still in his suit with his arms crossed until the music stopped and they all tried to keep a fairly steady position_

_“Do you know what time it is?” Sergio pointed at his watch “It’s three in the morning”_

_“We’re just… we were just going to bed” Tokyo mumbled, basically hanging on Rio’s arm_

_“We are cleaning the table” Nairobi pointed at a perfectly empty table, trying to look convincing. Palermo decided to be in solidarity and so he nodded, bending down to take the bottle from the floor and showing it to Sergio_

_“See? Cleaning!” he said proudly, avoiding Berlín’s piercing gaze_

_“Go to beds. Now!” Professor simply turned around and went back to his bedroom, leaving them all alone_

_“Shit” Denver sighed “We’re fucked I guess”_

_“Let’s just go” Helsinki pushed Nairobi towards the stairs “Up we go, señorita”_

_Palermo watched as everyone retreated to their bedrooms, himself gracefully closing the line, but then he felt a strong grip on his arm and turned his head to find Berlín holding him “What?” he raised his brow_

_“What? You’re really asking?” Andrés pulled him unceremoniously to his room, locking the door behind them and pushing Palermo onto the bed_

_“Are we going to fuck?” Martín was already eagerly unbuttoning his shirt, but Berlín stopped him_

_“No” he was clearly angry “What was with that kiss? Hm? Tongue and moaning like a slut?”_

_“I could say the same about you and Tokyo” Palermo shrugged “Same thing”_

_“I was putting on a show with someone I don’t even like that much. You, on the other hand, you decided to go full on a guy that clearly has a crush on you and you know about it!”_

_“Berlín, we haven’t fucked in forever, you barely look at me, you don’t want me sleeping in your room, if you kiss me once a day, I’m lucky” Martín’s scoff sounded pitifully_

_“Yes, and I’m doing all of that to keep you safe, mierda!” Andrés rubbed his face “Not because I don’t care about you! Didn’t the kiss today tell you anything? Nada?”_

_“I just miss you” Palermo pouted_

_Berlín sighed heavily “I swear, you’re a puppy that whines when his owner leaves him alone for longer than five minutes” he pressed a kiss to Palermo’s forehead “You stink of that cheap vodka, disgusting”_

_“You drank it too”_

_“Once” Andrés’ nose winced “It tasted horribly so I stopped after the first sip”_

_“Yeah, cause you’re Mr. Elegant that only drinks the most expensive wines” Martín rolled his eyes and laughed_

_“Go to your room, Palermo”_

_“Oh really? Really?” he couldn’t believe what he just heard “You took me to your room to give me a damn pep-talk? After we didn’t have any chance for some privacy at all? Fucking unbelievable” he stood up and rushed to the door, being stopped once again this evening_

_“Goodnight, Martín. Don’t be barbarian” Andrés said calmly, eyes piercing his partner_

_“I don’t want you to have a good night though” he wiggled out of the grip “Don’t even talk to me” he slammed the door, not caring about the late hour, and went to his own bedroom, doing the same thing with the doors and locking them so nobody could come in. He got himself ready for bed and fell on the cold sheets, growling with irritation. It’s been barely a week and they already had a fight. It didn’t look too good. Martín was frustrated with the whole situation, with himself, with Andrés, with everyone to be honest. He missed the hours spent on making love, the lazy kissing, the warmth of Berlín’s body next to him. His stupid partner wasn’t very willing to give Palermo what he had wanted and he started wondering, whether Andrés was really so in love as he stated, because right now it looked like he was only using Martín for physical pleasure. He shook off that thought, blaming his drunk state for even making it appear in his brain and covered himself, falling asleep almost immediately._

_The next morning, he ignored Berlín so successfully that he managed to get him to try to get his attention twice. Once during lunch, when his leg gently brushed Martín’s under the table but he moved it back immediately, not wanting any touches from him at all. Second one happened during afternoon class, as Berlín kept whispering to him but Palermo didn’t pay him any attention. He spent the late afternoon and evening with Sergio in his room, going through the parts of the plan that was entirely his and completely avoiding questions about Sergio’s brother. It couldn’t go on forever, so when late in the evening Andrés knocked to his door, he just opened, looking at him emotionless_

_“Would you come to my room?” Berlín asked, wearing deliciously tight dark red shirt and smelling heavily of cologne “I have a proposition for you”_

_“Maybe” Martín said but he immediately closed his bedroom and followed his partner. Berlín’s room was dark but not completely as there was at least a dozen of candles lit up. Berlín loved candles so it wasn’t surprising but Palermo found that pretty romantic and his anger already melted away “What’s all of this?” he turned to look at him, but Andrés put his hand on his back and pushed him towards the bed_

_“Sit” he said softly, taking something from the table “We’re going to play a simple game. Poker… but with a twist”_

_“A twist?” Martín could drown in Berlín’s eyes right now_

_“Yes, a twist, corazón” he approached the bed and sat in front of Palermo “It’s going to be a strip poker, you’re familiar with the term, aren’t you?”_

_If Palermo was able to answer, he would agree, but his throat was completely dry and he couldn’t make himself say anything so he just nodded_

_“Good” Andrés started drawing cards, calmly and quietly “You know the rules, correct?”_

_“Yes” this time Martín managed to answer, breathing way faster than a moment before_

_“I’ll remind you so we’re completely clear: we get five cards, you can exchange up to three and we bet. You can raise, which means you pick a piece of clothing, you can fold which means you get nothing but also lose nothing, or check if you’re sure your hand is better. The combinations are obvious, the question now is – are you ready?” Berlín smiled at him, getting up to turn some quiet music and pour them both a glass of red wine_

_Palermo nodded, accepting the wine and taking a sip “Yes”_

_“Perfect. Let’s bet” he took his card and looked at them, his face not changing at all, not even twitching. Martín checked his hand. He had a pair of fours which wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t very good, yet he decided to risk_

_“Raise”_

_“Alright, what exactly?”_

_“My shoes” Palermo answered confidently “You?”_

_“Raise. My tie”_

_“Check” they laid the cards on the bed and Martín smirked when he saw that Berlín only had a simple high card, a seven “I win”_

_“Indeed” Andrés slowly untied his tie and let it slip down onto the covers. Martín’s breath hitched_

_“Can I kiss you?”_

_“Not yet” Berlín shook his head “Another round, are you changing any cards?” Palermo had yet another pair but only of twos so he exchanged two cards and cursed in his mind when he got worse hand than before. He didn’t even wince though, hoping he was a good enough actor for this show. Berlín didn’t change any cards so he could assume he had a nice hand… but it also could be a bluff_

_“I bet... My shoes once again”_

_Andrés opted for his shirt and it was a very tempting bet but sadly, Martín lost with Berlín’s pair of sevens and got rid of his shoes. He had bad luck for another two rounds when he lost socks and his jacket. He was determined to strip Andrés from his shirt so when he got a three of a kind, he almost screamed. He won already, he was sure, so he boldly decided to bet his shirt as well._

_“Check” Andrés showed his cards and they both heard Martín’s heart stop. Berlín also had three of a kind, but his consisted of fives whereas Martín’s of fours “Oh, what a shame” Andrés murmured, leaning forward to slowly unbutton Martín’s shirt. Palermo was out of breath at the tiny touches he was receiving and when Berlín was soon done with the shirt and opened it, he quickly slid it from his arms. He threw his hands at his partner’s neck and their lips linked in a heated kiss, Berlín’s pressing on him intensely, making Palermo’s head spin. He pulled Martín to lay him flat on his back, not breaking the kiss even for a second, and he smiled when he felt Palermo’s fingers on his shirt “No, no, no” he held him down, placing one last kiss on his lips “You didn’t win that shirt yet”_

_Martín felt dizzy and aroused, but he sat back up and took his cards to his hand, finding a nice pair of fives there “Bet my pants, check”_

_“My bet stays on” Andrés calmly showed him his hand, only a high card of eight there “Nice, Palermo, very nice” he let Martín get rid of the fabric and they fell onto the mattress, kissing intensely and rocking their hips for some friction. It was hot and romantic and Martín was melting completely and never wanted this moment to end “Ready for another round?” Berlín panted after a very long moment_

_“Yes, of course” Martín smirked, drawing new cards. That hand wasn’t good but to be completely honest, the quicker he loses, the faster he will be naked “Bet stays, check”_

_“Pants. Let’s see what you have here… Oh no” Andrés tutted, seeing Martín’s nothing in comparison to his three of a kind “Off” he watched Palermo undo his pants and take them off slowly, seductively. He was wearing milky white boxers underneath that left nothing to imagination, but Berlín kept control somehow and casually drew a new hand, sipping his wine_

_“Come on, I’m almost naked, Andrés” Martín said impatiently, playing with his cards_

_“Almost makes a huge difference, my love” Andrés sent him a smile “Now play”_

_“Uhm…” he looked at his hand and sighed, seeing a pair of sixes. Not bad, but knowing Andrés he had a better one “F…” he wanted to fold but after some consideration… He had only one piece left, if he gets rid of it, Berlín would finally put his mouth on him “Check”_

_“What are you betting?” Berlín teased_

_“The only thing I have left” Martín rolled his eyes “Come on, take those off of me”_

_“Show me what you got” Andrés put his hand on the bed and Martín let out a tiny gasp. He won this round with his pair, Andrés only had a high card_

_“Perfect” Palermo’s fingers quickly unzipped Berlín’s fly and pushed his pants off his hips, breathing deeply when they flew onto the floor. He grabbed a handful of Andrés’ hair and pressed his lips to his, tracing his lower lip with the tip of his tongue_

_“We’re still playing” Andrés murmured, but his lashes were already fluttering as his lover’s kisses were traveling onto his jaw and neck. Martín missed that so much he was going to keep it up all night, even if that meant them being zombies in class the following day_

_“You smell marvelous” Martín pulled himself up a little, his teeth grazing Berlín’s lower lip “I want to taste you”_

_Berlín chuckled flirtatiously while his fingers were tracing his lover’s back “Have you won my underwear yet?”_

_“Andrés” Palermo whined quietly, tilting his head back “One of us is getting naked withing the next round so spare me that” he straddled Berlín’s lap and smiled when the other guy gasped_

_“You think you won?”_

_“I don’t care as long as I can finally have you” their lips linked in a sensual kiss, making Martín weak “Please?”_

_“I love you” Andrés whispered, gently positioning Martín on his back and hovering above him “And I’m going to show you just how much”_

“We were having the most intimate, love-full sex I have ever had in my entire life. He took me apart and put me back together at least five times and we fell asleep when the sun started rising” Martín smiled softly at the memory

“Do you think it was the happiest moment of your life?” Raquel asked quietly, her head on Palermo’s arm

“One of them for sure” he nodded

_The alarm going off around 8 wasn’t the most pleasant thing Martín ever heard but then he felt Andrés’ arms tightening around him and he smiled softly, burying his nose in the crook of his neck “Morning”_

_“Good morning” Andrés sighed softly, wincing at the sunbeams caressing their faces “It’s way too early”_

_“I know” Martín murmured, not caring to even move “My body’s aching”_

_Berlín’s laugh tickled his ear “Have I wore you down?”_

_“Perhaps” he rolled over onto his stomach, his hips pushing back “Check”_

_“You’re unbelievable” Andrés chuckled, but his hand obediently rested on Martín’s naked butt, tracing the skin slowly “You look like a statue. I could sketch you now”_

_“You better give me some attention before we have to go down and face the reality of four hours of sleep” Martín said and smiled softly when he felt Berlín’s warm lips on his shoulder blade_

_“I will, if you go and brush your teeth now” Andrés slipped out of bed, walking gloriously naked towards the bathroom “You know, I could use a shower… Care to join me?”_

_Martín of course did after dealing with his teeth, just as his lover asked. They brushed them together, like a real couple and Martín’s face was beaming with the post-sex afterglow. The shower walls got steamy as they went inside together, making out lazily, slowly, washing their bodies along the way. It was honestly a mess because the cabin was small and clearly not enough for both of them so they had to be really close and there was a very high hazard of one of them slipping. Neither of them mind though._

_“How much time do we have?” Berlín panted when they stopped the water, with his hands on Martín’s ass_

_“Half an hour maybe?”_

_“Come” he pulled surprised Martín out of the shower and handed him a towel to get rid of some water, before pushing him on the bed and positioning between his thighs “You look delicious, Martín, I just can’t stop myself” he easily slipped into him, Palermo still being loose from the previous night. For couple of minutes the room was filled only with moans and gasps, the sheets tangling and pillows falling onto the floor as the bed rocked along with the bodies on it. They had to hurry but still took care of all of their needs and when they were fulfilled, they fell onto the mattress and Martín immediately fell asleep, not even staying awake for more kisses. Andrés smiled softly, moving couple locks of hair from Palermo’s sweaty forehead. He looked so happy and peaceful he decided not to wake him up. He knew the plan better than anybody and he could eat later on._

_He picked an outfit for the day, dressed up and combed his hair, observing his lover from time to time. He was so beautiful with his skin glowing, contrasting with the milky white covers Andrés picked for his bedroom. He had to be elegant even here. His fingers itched so going for breakfast, he took his sketchbook and some pencils with him, planning to draw Martín sleeping later on_

_“Good morning, Berlín” Sergio greeted him, others smiling and nodding as he sat next to his brother and poured himself a cup of coffee_

_“Where’s Palermo?” Tokyo (of course) had to ask_

_“Why should I know?” he answered calmly, raising his brow_

_“You seem to be friends” she shrugged, sending Nairobi a weird look. Berlín really didn’t like her sniffing around_

_“Do you always know where your friends are?”_

_“No” Tokyo just looked at him “But I know where they should be, so I hope he’s not late for class”_

_“Or what, you’ll punish him?” Andrés smirked and didn’t even wince when Sergio nudged him under the table. After breakfast he stopped his brother and ask_

_“Where’s Martín?”_

_“We’ve had… an eventful night, I would say” Berlín chuckled softly “He’s sleeping, poor thing”_

_“I want to see him in class, Andrés” Sergio hissed “Or others will start being suspicious!”_

_“Don’t worry, hermanito” the older one’s smile was smug “We still have about half an hour, no?”_

_He waited with waking Martín up until the last minute, sketching him in the meantime. Martín was like a sleepy puppy as he got dressed and followed Berlín to class. His head kept falling down and when Sergio called him to explain something, he was making mistakes and mumbling and it was obvious he was struggling. Other members of the gang were sending him suspicious looks and he finally cracked, saying he was having stomach troubles all night and barely slept because of that. It seemed to be enough explanation for them, because they immediately stopped being suspicious and Berlin had to appreciate his ingeniero for such perfectly played lie. When the torture finally ended, Andrés decided to show some care in front of everyone and sat with him in the garden, Martín’s head on his lap as he napped. Berlín didn’t care about others thinking something about them, it was unimportant. Martín needed his sleep_

_When he got refreshed and energized, he opened his eyes and smiled brightly at his lover, clearly forgetting where they were when he sat up and leaned to kiss him_

_“Hey” Andrés stopped him right in time “We’re not alone”_

_“I’m sorry” Palermo rubbed his eyes, still a bit sleepy “I’m just used to kissing you whenever I want”_

_Berlín smiled widely “I knew it. I knew you were going to act like that”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Afterglow” he laughed, discreetly caressing Palermo’s knuckles “You’re beaming”_

_“We’ve had the best sex in forever, Berlín, what do you expect me to look like?”_

_“Well, I’m flattered but you’re like an open book. Everything is on your face and if we’re not careful, Tokyo and Nairobi will figure out the true nature of our relationship”_

_“Alright, I’ll try to tame my expressive personality” Martín looked up from under his thick, long lashes and Andrés sighed softly_

_“You’re a work of art”_

_“Stop it” he blushed, but Berlín only continued, showing him his sketchbook_

_“Look. You look like an angel here” he watched as Martín’s eyes moved around the drawing, taking in every detail, every shadowing_

_“Can I have it?” he asked, looking at Andrés pleadingly_

_“Sure”_

_“Thanks” he held his hand and bit his lip “And uhm… Thank you for the date yesterday. It was exquisite”_

_“Glad you liked it” their gazes locked and Martín let out a gasp, wondering how the hell he got so lucky in life. It had to be destiny, there was no other way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't come at me for my awful poker skills, I have NEVER played and my info comes purely from the internet so if there's anything wrong just ignore it or put it on Berlin who probably made up his own rules 🤷


	9. Love and war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope these longer chapters make up for me not posting everyday as I did with '14 days', exams session SUCK. Uh. Anyway, I love the flashbacks in this chapter, I think these are my favourite (not that I say that every time haha) Enjoy!
> 
> [song: Fleurie - Love and War]

“We were so happy in Toledo, you can’t even imagine” Martín figured that maybe coming back to his beloved tequila and sipping from the bottle was a good idea “It’s been… the happiest time of my life, I swear…”

“You got to spend five months being stupidly in love, in your honeymoon phase…” Raquel hummed, reaching for the bottle 

“No, it wasn’t like that. I mean, not always. There was… there was this one, huge argument that I feel so guilty about because… I lost days that I could spend with Andrés. If I only knew…”

“But you didn’t” she nudged his side “Tell me about this argument, no?”

_They would often have tiny arguments that they would always resolve with kissing, more kissing, sex or drinking and nothing came out of them, but there was this one thing about Martín Berrote that made him awfully similar to Tokyo._

_He had quite a temper and a hot head_

_After a month of staying in the house in Toledo he started feeling trapped. The last ten years he spent living on his suitcase, traveling from one place to another, always moving, always discovering new things. Now he was being kept in a house with a bunch of people who clearly did better job than him in adjusting to a new reality. That’s when it all started, to be more specific, Martín started it one afternoon while sitting outside with Sergio, drinking cold beer_

_“I have a question” Martín looked at him, interrupting the silence_

_“Go on” Professor focused on him, raising his brow_

_“I wanna take the motorcycle and go for a ride”_

_“Absolutely not”_

_“Professor!” Martín’s mouth fell open “Are you kidding? My face had never been in any mug shot, I’m perfectly anonymous!”_

_“No” Sergio would often agree to Martín’s ideas, but not this time “Nobody’s leaving”_

_“You’re aware that the kids keep sneaking out, right?” he crossed his arms on his chest and raised his brow_

_“In the middle of the night, yes, I am aware” Professor flicked his glasses with irritation “What do you think, how many hours will it take for the police to show up after some idiot drives around here on a loud ass motorcycle in the middle of the day? Hm?”_

_“I wouldn’t drive here, I will take it to the main road and…”_

_“Palermo, no” Sergio turned from him to let him know the conversation was over_

_“Are you for real?!” Martín stood up, anger building up in him “Seriously?!”_

_“Calm down” Sergio didn’t let himself be provoked_

_“I won’t calm down!” Martín threw his hands up in the air “You keep us here, locked like dogs in the cage and I have enough! Enough! I have to get out or I might murder somebody”_

_Professor let out a heavy sigh and looked at Martín again “We are all tired, Martín. We have four more months to go and I need you to just calm down and figure out something to do. I know…” he lowered his voice “…that you’re sleeping with Andrés and you have your secret dates every night so keep it up, coño! I don’t know, try some new sex positions, play some games, I don’t know, Palermo, go with them to the festival!”_

_“I might” Palermo rolled his eyes “I just need to get away for one fucking hour. One”_

_“No motorcycle”_

_“Why thought?! Because it’s loud?! Nobody will care during the day!”_

_“We cannot risk that” Sergio looked at him “I beg you, Martín, don’t ruin it. If Berlín knew you're acting like a kid, he would be mad”_

_“Or he will agree with me” Martín sat heavily and growled with irritation “Oh, see just in time… Berlín!” he noticed Andrés going outside so he gestured at him to come. Sergio looked pleadingly at his brother, making Andrés raise his brow_

_“Que pasa?”_

_“Your beloved one wants to risk our safety and go for a motorcycle ride” Sergio crossed his arms causing Martín to scoff_

_“Absolutely not” Berlín shook his head, his eyes on Palermo “You lost your mind?”_

_“And now you too” Martín shook his head with a bitter, ironic smile “I can’t believe that you’re on his side here!”_

_“Martín, you have to stop acting like a child. I want you to understand how important is that we aren’t discovered being here before the heist. You’re smart enough to understand the concept of safety, right?” Andrés’ hand rested on Palermo’s knee but he brushed it off and stood up, his face winced in fury_

_“Stop saying that! And stop talking to me like I’m five! You keep giving me those little speeches of yours and expect me to just listen and nod my head like a fucking doll!” he raised his voice without even noticing, bringing the attention of Denver and Rio playing football nearby. One look from Berlín was enough for them to come back to their game_

_“Quieter, please” he said calmly, not bothered by the look on his lover’s face “We haven’t had sex for two days now, is that what triggers your anger?”_

_“Fuck off” Palermo was blinded with fury by now “You’re full of shit, both of you!” he turned around and started walking back into the house, throwing the half empty bottle onto the stairs. Sergio winced at the sound of the glass being broken but Andrés was unruffled_

_“Leave him be, he’s like a kid, he blows up and after an hour he’s fine”_

_He wasn’t_

_He locked his bedroom door that evening and Andrés soon figured that without talking it out, he was a ticking bomb. The question was when it would snap. He didn’t have to wait long to find out._

_At breakfast the next day they were sitting next to each other, Martín all tensed and still angry, Andrés calm as ever. At one point he quietly brought Martín’s attention to the fact that his elbow almost goes in Andrés' plate and that’s when the bomb blew up_

_“Will you shut your fucking mouth?!” the whole table immediately went deadly quiet when Martín stood up, knocking over a cup that fell to the floor, making the situation even more dramatic. Andrés just looked at his partner, his face blank like a sheet of paper, no emotions whatsoever “I have enough of you treating me like a fucking child, you know me for a month and what, you think you can do anything you want!?” even when furious, he kept their cover which was impressive “I am the only person that likes you in here more than elegancy requires and you should be thankful I put up with you!”_

_“Harsh” Nairobi murmured, biting an egg and sending Tokyo a look. She was the only one that dared to say something_

_“And you?!” Martín turned to Sergio “You think that you’re the big Professor and you can keep me here?! If not for me your stupid escape plan wouldn’t exist! I’m not asking to go for a fucking walk in the city, I’m asking to go away for an hour, alone! Alone! I’m suffocating here and you’re all assholes for sneaking out and pretending that you don’t!” Palermo was so angry, he was spitting everywhere_

_“Thanks, snitch” Tokyo scoffed, rolling her eyes but Martín was already onto her_

_“You think he doesn’t know? Don’t be an idiot, of course he knows, but he doesn’t care! Why, because she’s a girl?!” he was again facing Sergio who looked rather uncomfortable “Who’s the real misogynist here, huh? Or maybe you're just into her so much that you started thinking with your dick?!”_

_“Stop this immediately” Andrés stood up, his gaze piercing and his voice cold as ice “Do not bring him to it. He’s our boss and it’s your damn job to pay him respect!”_

_Palermo looked like someone just kicked him in the face, shocked and broken “This is how much your friendship’s worth, you fucking psycho?” he was shaking with all the emotions coiling in him “You told me yourself that you’re a traveller and you also have a hard time sitting on your ass here, mierda! Now you’re against me? La puta madre!” he banged at the table, knocking over more glasses but not caring about it at all “Since when we’re all at your command, Professor? And since when do you have any power over here, Berlín?”_

_“Since Professor made **me** the leader, and **you** a mindless soldier!” Andrés barked _

_“You’re pathetic. You think you’re better than everyone else because you wear expensive suits and expensive shoes and drink only expensive wine? What a shame your soul is so fucking poor!” he stormed through the door, running upstairs while everyone stayed silent, looking discreetly at each other. Tokyo mouthed a word 'drama', rolling her eyes as she snatched a piece of lettuce from Rio's plate, earnign a soft smile from him._

_“I sincerely apologize for that” Berlín just sat back, picking up the glasses that Palermo knocked “Hot head”_

_“Is that true? What he’s saying?” Denver finally dared to ask, looking directly at the brothers “Are we fucked without his escape plan or whatever?”_

_“I guess” Sergio rubbed his face, sighing heavily. He hated arguments so much “Keep him entertained or he will tear this house down, I beg you”_

_“That can be done” Nairobi shrugged “He’s fun but it's not like he ever asks to hang out. Besides he's always MIA”_

_“He helps me with the plans”_

_“So you two know each other” Tokyo attacked, already angry “You lied to us, Professor!”_

_“No” Sergio shook his head “Do you think I didn’t check you all from the top to the bottom? He’s a brilliant engineer and I needed someone like him for some aspects about the plan”_

_Nairobi nudged Tokyo and said quietly “Leave it, he’s upset”_

_Nairobi was a friendly person and he was on a fairly good terms with Palermo, so when she found him outside later that day, far away from the others, she just sat next to him “Hey” she handed him a box “Helsinki made cookies”_

_“Helsinki can bake?” Martín looked at her with wide eyes and giggled “He’s out of this world, I swear” he tried one cookie and gasped “Oh wow, they’re actually edible and what’s more, really good! A true housewife he is”_

_“So, love story’s over?” Nairobi went straight to business, observing him from behind her sunglasses_

_“What love story?” Palermo murmured, rolling his eyes_

_“I mean, you’re crushing on him, aren’t you? I see how you sometimes look at him”_

_“I guess I’m over it now” he shrugged but she didn’t let herself be fooled_

_“No, you’re not, you’re just mad he didn’t take your side”_

_“Maybe”_

_“What if we get away for real?” Nairobi turned her voice to a whisper “There’s a festival happening and we’re going tonight so if you want to join…” she smiled_

_“We?” Palermo raised his brow_

_“Me, Tokyo, Rio and Denver”_

_“All the kids”_

_She raised her brow “Excuse me?”_

_“Alright, sorry. I would gladly go” he nodded, taking another cookie “I miss riding my motorcycle”_

_“You ride motorbikes? How cool” she shook her head in disbelief “What if we took the motorcycle illegally?”_

_“Professor would find out” Martín smiled bitterly_

_“You’re the ingeniero, you can figure something out?”_

_“But not tonight. Tonight we party” Martín squeezed Nairobi’s arm “And then one day I will take you for a ride of your life, cariño”_

_“I thought you were gay?” Nairobi joked, laughing at Palermo’s face “You’re not so bad when you’re not being an ass”_

_“I'm always an ass, what's more - a hot one”_

_Martín got so drunk. Not drunk as ‘my words are slurred and I can’t walk in the straight line’ way, no. He was so drunk that Denver and Rio had to almost carry him back inside the house, whole group choking on giggles and managing to keep fairly quiet until Palermo decided it was the perfect moment to practice “Bella Ciao”_

_“Una matina…” he started and before Tokyo put a hand over his mouth, he managed to sing the first couple of verses and they all heard quick steps on the stairs. Berlín’s head appeared first as he leaned over the balustrade and hissed_

_“Are you all out of your minds? Go to bed!”_

_“We’re going” Nairobi murmured, slurred words mixing up in her speech “Pal-Palermo is just… partying still”_

_“Let me handle him” Berlín stepped downstairs and grabbed Palermo’s arm, freeing both Rio and Denver “Go!” he raised his voice, making them all stumble to their rooms. Martín was barely standing and his face started turning green, so Andrés just pulled him to the kitchen, sat him on the floor and with an irritated puff wet a cloth, putting it on his forehead “Sit”_

_“But…”_

_“No talking” Berlín watched him slowly slide down until Martín was half-laying at the floor, groaning softly_

_“But I’m going to…” he didn’t manage to finish as a shudder went through his body and he threw up into a big bowl that Andrés put next to him_

_“You’re disgusting” Andrés winced, shaking his head “Always the most drunk one”_

_“You are… uhm… disgusting” Palermo wasn’t moving, his words coming out one by one “Not letting… me… drive…”_

_“You just made me remember why I never wanted to kiss you before we started our little romance”_

_“Shut your damn mouth”_

“You really went for it” Raquel snorted, shaking her head “And then I assume you blacked out?”

“Yeah… Embarrassing, I know. I didn’t go to class the next day and I spent all day in bed” Martín sighed, sipping his tequila and handing Raquel the bottle “It’s one thing getting drunk on awfully expensive whisky, and other on disgusting, cheap vodka”

“Was it the end of your argument?”

“Oh, of course not”

_“Don’t be a damn baby” Andrés growled with irritation, pacing the room “We haven’t talked in five days, don’t you have enough?_

_Palermo stood at the window, looking outside with his arms crossed on his chest. He didn’t answer_

_“Why are you even mad at me? And why can’t we solve it just like any other argument?”_

_Silence_

_“Alright” Berlín shrugged, sitting on the bed “You want me to apologize?”_

_“No!” Martín turned around with an angry look on his face “You know why we can’t solve it like any other argument? You took Sergio’s side! Again! Just like when you left after kissing me because he asked you to” his voice broke and he looked away not to show the tears gathering in his eyes_

_“Martín…” Andrés closed his eyes and sighed loudly. He approached his lover and wrapped his arms around him placing his head on top of Martín’s “First of all, I didn’t leave you…”_

_“But you almost did!” Palermo wiggled out of the embrace and faced him “If I didn’t say something or maybe if it happened on a different day… You would be gone. And this, today… would look completely different”_

_“I’m here. I stayed”_

_“You almost didn’t”_

_“You almost got killed couple of times and I never call you out on being dead!” Andrés raised his voice, his patience running very thin “Stop acting like a child! Grow up!”_

_“You will always take Sergio’s side, won’t you?” Palermo sniffled “No matter how I feel about it, he always will be first”_

_“Now you’re just being dramatic”_

_“No, I’m being realistic”_

_“What do you want me to do, hm?” Berlín stepped closer to him, looking him straight in the eyes “Tell me. Do I endanger everybody because you want a ride?”_

_“You claim you know me… You should know what to do to make me feel better”_

_“Oh, so now you’re making me feel guilty? Wow, very mature”_

_“Why you’re gotta be so mean?” Martín let out a shaky breath “Always treating me like a child, like my opinion doesn’t matter”_

_“Not when you act like a kid”_

_“See? Just take my fucking side for once!”_

_“I can’t believe you” Andrés laughed nervously, rubbing his face “What’s this argument even about? I don’t know anymore. Maybe you’re still furious that I kissed Tokyo, hm?”_

_“Asshole” Martín scoffed as he crossed his arms_

_“Can you just tell me what this is about? So we can at least argue like normal people?”_

_“I’d rather rot in hell that spend another minute in this room with you”_

_“Oh, cry me a river, Palermo, stop it finally! You’re being a brat and you know it, you have no real reason to be mad right now and the only possible one is that Sergio told you no and you’re resentful” Berlín’s breath came out slow “I know you’re melodramatic and try to get my attention so here we are, tell me what you want”_

_Martín grimaced at that and rolled his eyes “I have tons of reasons to be mad, I can start pointing them out to you”_

_“Please, do”_

_“First of all, you should be aware how taking Sergio’s side ends up, we had a whole fucking drama going on only because he told you to leave me! What was it, months? I cried because of you so many times, I ran away, I came back, I ran again… All of that to finally be happy with you and you’re about to ruin it again by taking Sergio’s side!”_

_“This is about our safety, Martín, yours too. Don’t you understand it?”_

_“I am not a kid, I know how to keep myself and everyone here safe! Besides if it’s such a bad idea, why haven’t you proposed something else? I can’t be here for so long, this house is shitty, I miss the monastery and the goats there and the fruit trees and my own freaking room in a chapel… I want to go for a fucking ride so I can clear my head! Is that so bad?”_

_“This isn’t about the ride” Andrés grinned “You feel insecure”_

_“What? Bullshit”_

_“No, it’s true. You feel insecure because this is new to you and you know you can’t stay in one place for longer… And also, you’re the individualist, just like me… You can work with me, because we’re like a machine together, but with the others… You can’t stand so many people around you. So you’re insecure. Everyone else is doing fine and your short temper is making a tornado out of your mind, is that so?”_

_“Leave me alone”_

_“I am right then” he stroked Martín’s arm before the other one managed to jerk his hand away “What do you need me to do, then?”_

_“I feel trapped okay?!” Palermo waved his arms and growled with irritation “I can’t be myself around those fuckers, I can’t go wherever I want, I have enough! Why are you smiling, you piece of shit?”_

_“Because you’re adorable” Andrés confidently approached him and pulled him for a kiss. Martín turned his head but after couple of seconds gave in, reciprocating the kiss and allowing Berlín to hug him properly “Come on now, I don’t want us to fight”_

_“Just do something” he sighed, uncrossing his arms and resting them on Andrés’ shoulders “I will go crazy if you won’t”_

_“Leave it to me” Andrés’ hand gripped Palermo’s neck and scratched at the skin, making the other one close his eyes and gasp “And try to get used to it, okay? Oh, and… make up with Sergio, I beg you”_

_“He has to apologize”_

_“Martín”_

_“Uh, fine!” Martín stamped his foot with irritation_

_“Thank you” Berlín rewarded him with another kiss and a ruffle of his hair “Go”_

_Knocking to Professor’s room, Martín was pretty nervous. He wasn’t sure if his apology wouldn’t turn into another heated argument but he had to at least try being all peaceful and nice. Sergio opened the door and a relieved expression came on his face “Palermo. Come in” he closed the door behind them and sent Martín a questioning look “What’s on your mind?”_

_“I came to…” he started and bit his lip “You know”_

_“Say it” Sergio crossed his arms, leaning on his desk_

_“I’m sorry for projecting my anger on you at breakfast couple of days ago…”_

_“You’re feeling better? You’re still not talking with Berlín?”_

_“We just made up” Martín rubbed his face “I’m fed up, I’m really sorry”_

_“I know” Sergio nodded, reaching behind himself and taking something “Here”_

_“What is it?” Palermo asked, accepting the object and finding out with shock that they were keys “The… to the motorcycle?” Professor nodded and Martín frowned, baffled completely_

_“But you said I can’t…”_

_“There are conditions. You have to change the plates after you come back, you have to go after sunset and before you start the engine you should walk to the main road first so nobody will be suspicious”_

_“I don’t understand why…” Martín cut off, shaking his head_

_“I can’t have a ticking bomb in the gang, Martín” Sergio shrugged, running his fingers through his hair. He looked tired “You’re an adrenaline junkie and you need danger in your life. That’s why I know you’ll do amazing in the Mint, especially under pressure, that’s why you always do perfect with Andrés by your side while traveling and robbing facilities… and that’s why you’re acting the way you’re acting here”_

_“Since when you own a psychologist diploma?” Palermo murmured, squeezing the keys until his fingers turned white_

_“Stop being an ass and appreciate the gift”_

_“Oh, I do appreciate it”_

_“Simple 'thank you' wouldn’t hurt”_

_Martín rolled his again “Thank you”_

_“You’re welcome. And, remember, do not tell the others” Professor nodded at him “Next time you need to blow off some steam… Come to me, alright? We’re still friends”_

_“Doesn’t feel like it anymore”_

_“Because I’m trying to remain a stranger to all of you. It’s not so easy having my brother and my best friend next to me, you know?”_

_“I get it” Martín was walking around the room, touching the little origami bird on one of the shelves “More than you think. I have my lover next to me and I can’t let anyone know what’s between us” he shrugged “I just hope we quickly leave the Mint so I can take him somewhere far, far away and live my life as I used to”_

_“About that…” Sergio stopped Martín and gently turned him so they faced each other “Can I ask you something?”_

_“Sure”_

_“You know… You know that he doesn’t have much time… left”_

_“Oh, he does. A year if not more” Martín grinned “We have this all figured out”_

_“Meaning?”_

_“Sergio, hermano” Palermo put his hand on his friend’s arm “We live together and die together”_

_“What does that supposed to mean?”_

_“Wherever he goes, I follow”_

_“Then losing Andrés comes with losing you too?”_

_“Can’t be any different”_

_“Why?”_

_“You know why” Palermo smiled sadly “I can’t live without him, we all know it very well”_

“Martín… Martín”

“Hm?” Palermo raised his gaze on Raquel, confused 

“You drifted”

“Sorry, uhm… I was just remembering Sergio’s face when I said that” he stared at the horizon that slowly started turning red, orange and bright blue meaning that some time passed and the morning was slowly creeping upon them 

“How did it look like?”

“Sad. Awfully sad” Martín admitted “Maybe that’s why he fights so hard for me, not because he cares about me, but because he cannot live without both of his closest people”

“Have you ever realized that Sergio considers you family?” Raquel looked at him and waited until Martín’s gaze locked with hers “That he loves you and cares about your well-being because you’re like a brother to him? He lost one brother and he doesn’t want to lose the other one”

“I, uhm… No, that can’t be. We’re friends and all but…”

“He blames himself” she sighed deeply “He really, truly does. You probably can’t see it because you are dealing with your own problems… But he blames himself a lot. You’re a painful reminder of what he lost and how he failed. He promised to get you all out and… he couldn’t. So now he does all he can to keep you alive, so he can keep his promise”

“He already couldn’t do that”

“He promised Andrés to keep you safe and alive” Raquel said, biting her lip “No matter what”

“Huh?” Martín suddenly found himself breathing faster despite his exhaustion “What?!”

“I will tell you on one condition. You go to sleep right after”

“Fine” Palermo held her arm “Please, tell me. Please”

_A soft knock on the door was enough to wake Sergio up. It was the night before the big day and he had very light sleep, worries clouding over his head. He quickly slipped out of bed and opened the door, finding Andrés behind them “What’s wrong?” he whispered, letting him in and coming back to bed, patting the space next to him_

_“I need to talk to you” Andrés looked… vulnerable. Sergio winced and tilted his head, not knowing what could possibly be wrong at five in the morning_

_“Okay” he pulled the blanket up so he covered their bare feet and focused on his brother, eyeing his face that had a very disturbing look on it “What’s going on?”_

_“I need you to do something for me and you probably won’t like it, but you have to promise me that you will do it”_

_“Speak”_

_“Here” he handed Sergio a white envelope with ‘Martín Berrote’ calligraphed with dark ink on it_

_“What’s this?” Professor raised his gaze and the realisation hit him hard “Oh… But you’re… I’m getting you out, all of you”_

_“Sergio” Andrés’ tone was urgent as he pushed the letter into his hand “Please. I’ll explain”_

_“Then better explain now”_

_“This is… an insurance. I know you will be safe during the heist and that you’ll get out alive for sure. If anything happens to me… No, quiet” he put his hand on Sergio’s, noticing his brother trying to say something “If anything happens to me, give him this letter. By anything I mean if I die there, or from the sickness or if I go to jail. Give him the letter, that’s the first part of it. Promise”_

_“I promise” Sergio felt his throat tightening “And the other part?”_

_“You have to keep him safe, no matter what. If things go wrong, you care for Martín, not for me. I’m dying anyway, he isn’t”_

_“You’re my brother, I can’t…”_

_“Sergio!” Berlín took his brother’s face into his hands “Please. Martín has to be safe and alive. You will do everything in your power to get him out and take him to the safest place you find. After the Mint, if I'm gone, keep him with you and don’t let him be alone, he will be very broken after my death, he can hurt himself. You cannot let that happen, that’s my death wish, do you understand?”_

_“I’m getting you out”_

_“I ask if you understand or not, Sergio”_

_“…yes”_

_“I’m not convinced”_

_“Y-Yes” Sergio felt a tear slip down his cheek but Andrés wiped it with a tender smile “You have to do everything you can to get out”_

_“And I will, I promise. But as you taught me yourself, you have to be ready for every possibility”_

_“Andrés” he put his hands over Berlín’s “I love you”_

_Andrés chuckled softly but then he nodded and whispered “I know. And I love you too. We’re going to war in couple of hours, go back to sleep, I’m going back to my sweet ingeniero. Don’t forget what you promised me” he let go of Sergio and silently opened the door, walking out of the room with a hint of smile. Sergio couldn’t fall asleep after their conversation and the sound of his alarm was truly a relief from tossing and turning without a purpose. As he was getting ready, he thought of his brother and Martín. The promise he made laid heavily on his heart but he knew he would keep it no matter the cost. After all, they were a family._

“That’s all I know. He took care of you”

“He had no right to tie Sergio to me so much…” Martín shook his head “I have to talk to him because if it’s true, then…”

“Martín, you’re friends! He was always by your side, wasn’t he? Just because he promised Andrés to take care of you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to do it. Chill out and go to bed” Raquel stood up taking the empty beer bottles “Come on, we should get some sleep. I have an idea to honor Andrés’ memory but we both need to rest first”

“Why are you so nice to me? I was a jerk before”

“Try working with only men for years, makes you tough” she grinned, entering the house through the window and waiting for Martín “Besides, I see right through you. You’re a broken guy who has unhealthy coping mechanisms and tries to cover them up by being an asshole, please, you don’t scare me”

Martín sent Raquel an angry look but then his lips quivered to a half smile “You’re not so bad after all”

“Goodnight, Palermo” she put the empty bottles on the table “Will I hear the rest of the story?”

“Maybe”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments very appreciated <3


	10. nepenthe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it comes, another one. I know I leave you guys waiting but exam session is KILLING me, give me two weeks of this delayed posting and I will be back with more frequent chapters, I promise  
> Enjoy!

“I can’t believe it” Sergio shook his head, holding his cup of coffee and looking at Raquel like she was some kind of an alien “You can’t be serious”

“You think so little of me? Please, if you know where to tickle, everything comes out. That’s exactly what happened and if I manage to walk him through the whole story… Maybe he will finally be free. Or at least on the beginning of getting free”

“You don’t have to do that, so thank you one more time”

“I know you care about him” she stroked Sergio’s hand “I, surprisingly, do too. I can see why you two are such good friends”

“He’s… special” Sergio nodded with a deep sigh 

“You two should have a talk about what happened when you last saw Andrés before the heist”

“You told him?”

“It was a price for getting him to bed, I paid it”

“Now he probably thinks I stayed with him because Andrés told me so” he rubbed his face and the tension on his shoulders got so obvious, Raquel started massaging his arms gently, trying to use her most soothing voice

“Exactly. It’s your job to convince him that it’s not true… unless it is” she kissed his cheek, observing his face

“No! Of course it isn’t! He’s like a brother to me, I have to take care of him”

“Because you couldn’t take care of Berlín?” Raquel was hesitant to ask but she was met with only a single shrug

“Perhaps. Does it matter? I’m not leaving Martín”

“Then go and tell him that, also let him know I’m making pizza and if he doesn’t want to starve he should get out of bed, it’s noon already” she pushed him gently and smiled when he turned back before going towards Martín’s bedroom. 

The door opened soundlessly. Sergio found his friend already awake with his fingers clenching around a piece of paper. He wasn’t crying but Professor knew he was close to it “Hey” he simply said, closing the door and sitting on the bed “Do you have a moment?”

“Is this true?” Martín looked at him, not bothering to sit up “An… Andrés told you to stay with me?”

“Andrés made sure I wouldn’t leave you alone. He didn’t have to worry because I would never do that” Sergio took Martín’s hand “Shouldn’t you know it after all those years? I’ve always been by your side, when you left Andrés in Paris, then when you had the fight because of Tatiana and her threats, when he was abusive… I was always here, Martín. I stayed by your side even when I could easily take my brother’s. Why? Because I love you and you’re my best friend. I treat you like you were my little brother and that’s how I feel about you. Andrés never needed to tell me to care for you, because I will always do. Okay?”

Martín’s eyes were glassy as he nodded slowly and sniffled “I don’t deserve you”

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you. Me? I would say you’re cursed with my presence” they both laughed and Sergio ruffled Martín’s hair, smiling at him “How are you feeling?

“This is a very sad day and I can’t make myself to be as sad as I would want to. I even took the letter but it’s not helping” he shrugged, putting his legs down from the bed “I could be devastated the whole year and when the most important day comes… I feel like a ray of sunshine. I don’t want to feel like this… Perhaps it’s Raquel’s fault, she tricked me into talking somehow and to be honest, it felt good, Sergio. Really good”

“Don’t blame yourself for feeling one way not the other. You’re healing and it’s all part of the process”

“Raquel told you that?” Martín raised his brow and sent Sergio a playful smile “I’m happy you got her”

“I am too” he nodded with a shy grin “She’s… she’s a lot”

“She brought her daughter?”

“No, not here. Listen, Martín… Let’s be clear. I don’t want you to be alone today. We should honor Andrés’ memory together somehow, what do you think?”

“How?”

“What’s something you always liked doing?

“Everything, Sergio. And… I don’t like what’s going in my head when you do those tiny, micro moves that look exactly like Andrés’…”

“I’m sorry”

“Genes, you can’t really fight it” Palermo shrugged and rose from the bed, stretching his stiff muscles “He doesn’t even have a grave, hermano”

“We can make him one”

“Hm?”

“Yes. A plate with his name… flowers… we can make it ourselves”

“That’s a good idea” Martín turned around and suddenly there were tears on his cheeks “I miss home, Sergio”

“The monastery?”

“Yeah” he nodded “I know everything there will remind me of him but… I want it. If you agree, I will... I will go back there”

Sergio looked at him sadly, opening his arms and closing them around his friend “We will talk about it later, okay? I won't leave you alone for now”

“Okay” Martín nodded. Sergio waited for him to get dressed and they went for lunch that Raquel so kindly made. She left them alone after that, pressing a kiss to Sergio's cheek and saying she would be in the bedroom, organizing her stuff. 

Both Martín and Professor got to work. From where Sergio had all of the tools and materials, Martín didn' know but he appreciated his friend even more as they were making the plate with Andrés' name on it

“Do you remember how we met?” Sergio wiped his forehead, making Palermo look up from the tool he was using 

“Us two?” he smirked “How can I not, it was bizarre”

“One of the very few times I saw Andrés anxious” Professor handed Martín a cold beer and smiled softly at the memory

_Italy, 2010_

_“Martín?” the door to the bathroom opened and Martín blushed seeing Andrés' silhouette from behind the shower curtain “There you are, my precious gem! I have great news I need to share!”_

_“Can't it wait until I'm done here?” Martín asked loudly, washing his whole body and trying NOT to think about himself naked and Andrés being so close. Uh. Stupid._

_“No, it really cannot, don't bother” he could hear Andrés sitting down, probably on the bench that was there “You hear me?”_

_“Clearly”_

_“Good, then listen up. We're going to have a visitor!”_

_“Mhm” Martín was washing the shampoo out of his hair, humming under his breath. He didn't really care about any visitors, he just wantd to be in the monastery, the most beautiful place in the world, and spend time with Andrés_

_“Stop ignoring me!” he heard his friend scoff and he laughed, turning off the water_

_“I would like to access my towel, can you turn around?”_

_“Go on”_

_Martín opened the curtain anf felt heat taking over his body. Andrés was, indeed, facing the door but it still elicited a very obvious reaction in Martín. He quickly took the towel and started drying himself off, trying to distract himself “So? The visitor?”_

_“Yes, so we've been friends for about a year, so I figured that it's a perfect time for you to meet my brother!” Andrés turned around just in time to see Martín's naked ass_

_“Hey!” he covered himself, red on the face, and grunted with irritation “You're a perv!”_

_“You're not going to react to my news? Nothing?”_

_“Well... Should I be excited or something? I believe that out of two brothers I'm friends with the attractive one”_

_Andrés chuckled in this flirtatious way of his, as every time that Martín paid him a compliment or looked at him a little bit too sexually “You should be very excited, I have never introducend anybody to him before” Andrés casually approached half naked Martín and grabbed his arms “Imagine, my dear, the incredible team we will make! The ideas, ah!” he kissed his cheek and let go of him “Get dressed, por favor”_

_“You're an asshole” Martín murmured, shamelessly throwing away the towel and putting on his pyjama shorts and a t-shirt before reaching for his toothbrush “When is he coming?”_

_“Tomorrow morning” seeing Andrés excited wasn't anything new, but it was artistically beautiful every time_

_“I'll be nice”_

_“I know”_

_“But” Martín spit out some toothpaste and raised his gaze on Andrés “I can't promise I won't stop being nice if he's a piece of shit to me”_

_“Fair enough”_

_“Sergio, this is my dearest friend, the brilliant ingeniero I told you so much about – Martín!” Andrés pointed at his best friend with pride “Martín, meet my beloved hermanito, Sergio” he gestured at his brother and watched as the two men shook hands, observing each other thoroughly_

_“Martín Berrote” Martín said, noticing that there was no sign of similarity between the brothers, literally nada_

_“Sergio Marquina” he seemed nervous and Martín immediately took it as his own advantage_

_“I expected you to be... taller” he raised his brow and gazed at Andrés “And, you know, more attractive”_

_“Martín is obviously joking” Andrés wrapped his arm around Martín's shoulder and squeezed tight enough for his friend to really feel it “You would have to get used to it. I made breakfast, let's go, we will show you the kitchen” he sent Martín a death glare and put a hand on Sergio's lower back, pushing him towards the stairs_

_The meal was pretty quiet, only Andrés asking his brother about some stuff now and then and getting very short sentences as a response. It was obvious Sergio felt insecure but it was a perfect tactic to get Andrés' unlimited attention apparently. Martín didn't want to get jealous, not that Andrés' brother was any competition for him but his position wasn't t h a t secure just yet, when Sergio was his brother for years. His worries were gone the moment Andrés' hand landed on his knee and squeezed it reasurringly. They shared a smile and Martín knew he was safe just by this simple gesture. This is how they were, understanding each other without words._

_“I don't know if you want to rest now, but the bedroom is ready” Andrés informed Sergio when they finished eating. Martín saw an occassion and shamelessly used it_

_“I can also offer you some relaxation, you know” he winked at him, making his best friend chuckle. Sergio looked at him quizzically and when the realization hit him, he blushed and quickly shook his head_

_“I would... uhm... have to refuse. Andrés, I could use some sleep actually, thank you”_

_“What a shame” Martín started collecting the empty plates, making sure to rub Andrés' shoulder as he went. He loved their little touches here and there, always present, always there, more or less, depending on their mood. Martín especially liked when they were drunk because the touches would get bolder and he would always, always end up in his bedroom late at night, flushed and needy, still feeling Andrés' fingers all over him. They never crossed a certain line, both respecting it but also both very eager to be risky and bend it as much as the other one could take. Martín had to admit, he was an addict, a touch-starved junkie who loved getting what he wanted and could do a lot to get it.  
Andrés' hand wrapped around his wrist and caressed it before he stood up and nodded at his brother “I'll take you and Martín will clean up, alright?” he send his friend a soft smile and led Sergio to his bedroom._

“I was sure you had... a sexual relationship, I swear” Sergio shook his head, sipping his beer and playing with the screwdriver he found on the floor

“No, we were just... this type of friends. Always on each other” Martín smiled softly “I loved that about us”

Professor was quiet for a moment “Remember how he left us because he was meeting Louise?”

“Oh god, a disastrous decision” they both laughed loudly, thinking how awkward they had been back then

_Martín and Sergio were sitting at the table in the garden, staring at each other in silence. Andrés had a date so they both were left alone with a task to “play like good kids to get to know each other better” which neither of them was eager to do_

_“Is he serious?” Martín finally broke the silence “Making us do this? Not that I don't like you, it's just... You're pretty lame” he shrugged_

_“Oh, well... It's because you don't know me, Martín... As for me, I know you're in love with my brother and the idea of him on a date pokes your heart a little” Sergio crossed his arms “So we can talk about that or try to socialize”_

_“I'm not in love with Andrés” Martín rolled his eyes “Stupid”_

_“So? What do you like?”_

_“Changing topics, alright, okay” he thought for a moment “Engineering. You?”_

_“Books. Science. Origami...M-”_

_“Origami?” a snort escaped Martín, cutting Sergio mid-sentence “Are you for real?”_

_“It's an ancient technique requiring lots of skill so do not laugh at me"_

_“Oh, I am not, I just... You're a guy!”_

_“And?”_

_“Isn't this something for girls?”_

_“Isn't chasing a guy you can't have something for girls?” he snapped back, making Martín blush slightly_

_“What's with you? I'm not chasing after Andrés, for fucks sake!”_

_“I'm just teasing” Sergio had a sympathetic smile on his face and Martín sighed, allowing himself to be a little warmer towards him “So, engineering?”_

_They engaged in a long, complicated conversation with Martín completely overwheming Sergio with technical details and Sergio answering with science theories that were completely out of Martín's range of knowledge but then they finally clicked with the topic – physics. Andrés found them sitting with beer at the table, papers and pens on it too with some weird equations and numbers, and when he raised his brow in a silent question they both looked up and sent him a smile, before coming back to their business. Not that it was a beginning of their friendship, not yet, but it was an ice-breaker for sure. After all, Martín decided, Sergio wasn't that lame._

“It took us a long time to become friends, it wasn't like with Andrés” Martín started scrubbing the plate to get rid of all the dirt, looking proud of what they had done together “But I'm glad it came out this way, if not for you I wouldn't even be respected in the Mint”

“I don't know” Sergio shrugged, looking at their work “It's beautiful. I would only reshape the “B” a little... just like that, perfect” 

Martín stood up and looked at the plate from a distance, smiling at the words that were put on it: “Andrés de Fonollosa aka Berlín” and underneath: “and then we melt gold”. The tablet was ready, so were the flowers that Raquel picked up for them earlier “What do you think they did with his body?” he asked unsure

“Buried it somewhere probably” Sergio sighed, caressing Martín's arm

“I think I have an idea for out next... hit” Palermo turned his head towards his friend, his gaze serious “I need to know, Sergio”

“Bad idea...”

“A very good idea. In couple of months I will look for it. I will... I will find it and then...” his voice broke a little and he needed a second “I will put some flowers over his grave”

“What?” Professor made a surprised face “I thought you were going to say we're going to steal the coffin or something”

“No” Martín shook his head with a soft sigh “No, he is... He's resting. Sleeping. It would be rude to disturb him” his gaze locked with Sergio's “Come on, let's put the plate where it belongs” they took everything they needed and headed towards the place Martín so carefully chose. In the back of the house, in the garden there was one particular tree Palermo loved, it looked old and it was a perfect place for the memorial to be. Palawan was a beautiful place and he grew to like it here, maybe even love it. He knew that in couple of weeks Raquel would have her mother and daughter here and it would be a moment for Martín to step back and start to deal with life by himself, but he wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. 

“So here?” Sergio asked, taking him out of his thoughts. He was pointing under the tree Martín had chosen

“Yes” he took a shovel and started digging a square so the tablet would fit nicely and stay in. It didn't take long and the plate was in, surrounded with fresh grass and with the wild flowers on it. Martín smiled softly. Andrés would like this probably, it wasn't screaming for attention but it was pretty elegant

“Wow” Sergio whispered with his lower lip trembling slightly 

“It feels surreal” Martín said, getting ready for a longer speech but then he heard a muffled sob and turned his head to see Professor completely shattered, on his knees in front of the 'tombstone' “Sergio...” he didn't really know how to react, he had never seen Sergio so openly broken. He stopped controlling himself and he let out a loud howl, tears streaming down his face and fogging his glasses

“I'm here” Palermo kneeled next to him and put a hand on his back, making comforting circles. For the first time in forever he wasn't the one needing help, he was the one giving it and it was... freeing. Truly “Let it out, brother” only now he realized how much Sergio actually meant to him and how long of a history they had. He was the second person after Andrés whom he loved and it was a damn time to live up to his words “He would be so proud of you” he whispered, embracing his best friend tightly, allowing him to sink in his arms and cry as long as he needed “I'm proud of you. You did more for me than anybody and if not for you I would be... long gone. I owe you...”

“I c... couldn't... save him... even you blame me for that...”

“No” Martín protested firmly “I did before because I was angry and I couldn't think that my precious love could make such a stupid decision... but he did. And because of that... we're alive today. I think. I don't blame you, Sergio, there was nothing either I or you could do” 

“Maybe we could have changed the plan somehow... Maybe...”

“No. We had plan Argentina and he ditched it. It was his choice, Sergio”

“I'm sorry” Professor sniffled and untangled from Martín's arms, awkwardly wiping his glasses 

“You have nothing to be sorry for” Martín managed a weak smile “I love him a lot. I will forever love him... But I also love you, Sergio, and Raquel made me realize something very important yesterday. I will forever be grateful for what you've done for me”

“Raquel is fucking smart” he let out a quiet laugh and Palermo answered with a chuckle. They squeezed each other's arms and stood up from the ground, brushing off pieces of grass from their clothes

“She is. I think that we should get some expensive alcohol, sit all together and talk about the good memories. I don't want to do anything special, I just want to be with my family and talk about him” 

Sergio nodded at that “I'll call it a plan Berlín”


End file.
